We all have pet peeves. One of my pet peeves is when we HR pros hide behind our mothers’ skirts.

We hide behind the skirts of our attorney–who (what do you know?) tends to give conservative advice. Or the skirts of compliance.

The skirts of the safe decision instead of the best choice. Or of doing what is required and nothing more. Of risk aversion, rather than risk management. Policy & Procedure.

Saying “No,” because it is so much easier and less complicated than saying, “Yes.”

Staying quiet rather than speaking up. Doing things the way we always have.

Coloring inside someone else’s lines instead of creating our own drawing.

Hiding behind the skirts means we’re seen as administrators, guardians, hall monitors, pencil pushers, police. It means we may come across as judgmental and haughty, inflicting our “HR tone” on anyone we decide steps out of line. Maybe our colleagues would take us much more seriously–and, heck,  like us more–if we would grow some cojones and act boldly based on our skill, knowledge, values and principles, rather than falling back on policies, procedures and regulations as our default.

Today I received an administrative position resume with two typos in the top third of the page. The safe, traditional HR response would be to roll one’s eyes in judgment and send a quick rejection letter. Instead (having recently updated my own resume and knowing how easy it is to make a stupid error after editing ad nauseum) I responded to her email, engaged her in conversation, and once she responded,  asked if she was open to feedback about her resume. When she responded affirmatively, I told her about the typos. She thanked me profusely. From her enthusiastic response, I  believe my small but out-on-a-limb gesture earned more goodwill than almost anything else I could have done. And yes, I know the conversation could just as likely have gone the other way, her reply could have been ungrateful and angry, because I’ve gotten those responses before.

This is just a tiny, almost inconsequential story of not hiding behind HR’s skirts. Sure, it wasn’t my job to bring the errors to her attention. I didn’t have to do it. It would have been much easier and faster to say nothing. But telling her seemed like the right thing and I took a risk. Please understand the purpose of this post is not to suggest proofreading resumes for all our applicants. We don’t have time for that. In this particular case, something called out to me about her and I knew that few others would be honest with her. I had the opportunity to be honest. Human. Kind. Rather than retreating to my safe place to rationalize doing nothing. This is just one small example to make a point.

When I encourage our profession to stop playing it so safe, I am also not advocating throwing caution to the wind to make foolish decisions that jeopardize your organization. I just think we all sometimes need reminders to stop and question our usual reactions and responses, and, where it makes sense, take risks to act in a new, different and more creative manner. And at the same time, we can work to avoid that HR haughtiness people hate–with a side benefit of possibly being taken more seriously.

photo by RG Photo

Being of a certain age sooner than usual, I find myself either in a sweating homicidal rage or not sweating, but with the vapid look of market fish.

It ain’t pretty.  And it does not lend any IQ points either.

Luckily, the lion’s share of any HR work I do is done from the safety of my home.  Being an information junkie, I can research and sweat my brains out without anyone being the wiser.  But I do have one contract that requires going to an office and meeting with people. This is where things get a little dicey.

You see, I can be nice to anyone for ten minutes.  Beyond that, and the sneer I was born with starts to spread across my face.  And yes, if you are wanting to know, I no longer work with people as an HR generalist.  No need to contact any professionals.

As a woman in HR, it strikes me that the ability to be nice, accommodating, supportive, and for some reason that escapes me, the ability to do things with all Microsoft platforms is important. That the reason for being a savant with Microsoft Excel escapes me is probably why my career as an HR manager was short yet brutal.Don’t get me wrong, we need compassionate and supportive people in HR to help employees who are experiencing difficulties in their work, to help managers learn and apply the benefits of active coaching and performance management, and to help business owners grow the business through their people.  Furthermore, as a book reviewer, I am seeing a trend among leadership research toward a kinder, fairer and more humane definition of leadership.  This is good.

Break out the MBTI and the Big Five, and my profile starts to zero in on why my current direction toward research is a really good idea.  Okay, so I am an INTJ.  But I’m also agreeable and conscientious.  For 10 minutes, mind you.  How many people do you know that are genuinely excited to review a publication called “You’re Fired!  Just Cause for Dismissal in Canada?”  It’s a 2 binder set with a searchable DVD!  I know, right.

If the hot flashes have taught me anything, it ‘s that I can channel my “power surges” toward critical analysis of the latest research in our area and to find a way to get it to those women and men who are providing the sort of compassionate, gentle, smart, decisive, and strategic assistance to employees and businesses.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go change my shirt. Plus, my ten minutes is up.

The Dress Code policy. There are very few managers or HR professionals who haven’t participated in a dress code conversation.

Sadly, in many organizations, when faced with conundrums such as: “How do I tell Sally she needs to wear a bra?” (answer: “Hey Sally, you need to wear a bra.”) or “What are we going to do so that Bob irons his shirts? (answer: “Hey Bob, iron your shirts.”), the easy lazy answer has always been “Let’s write a dress code policy!”

Many years ago, when I was fresh-faced and eager in my new HR career, the organization I worked for felt the need to move from a common-sense (for the most part) one page Dress Code Policy to a FIVE PAGE policy that spelled out everything from the length of one’s skirt to the banning of pants/skirts that had pockets on the back. The enforcement of this policy would have necessitated, more than likely, the hiring of Sister Mary Agnes to join our staff and roam about measuring skirt lengths with her ruler. As it was, we were already a tad foolish, differentiating the proper attire based on what floor of the building you worked on. If you were a female, and your office was on the 2^nd floor, you were forbidden from wearing pants. Why? That was the Executive Floor (all-male C-Suite at the time) and, apparently, it had been determined that the gals needed to remember their place in the hierarchy.

Now this was a financial institution with drive-through banking stations in the Midwest and in the winter it was not uncommon to hit (and sustain) temperatures well below zero. And as you may recall from the last time you went to a drive-through banking facility the tellers were f-a-r a-w-a-y from you and you probably could have cared less about what they were wearing.  Nevertheless, back in the day, the company I worked for decided that these employees were dressing inappropriately when they wore cardigan sweaters over a nice shirt or blouse. Never mind the fact that they wore the cardigan sweaters because working in those drive-thru facilities was like coming down the wind tunnel at Lambeau Field in the middle of January.

Sorry Joanie; time to ditch the sweater.  Common sense is no match for our dress code policy.

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The other day while Googling some random HR stuff, I came across the slide deck for a New Employee Orientation circa  2007.

There were a number of slides devoted to what to wear/what not to wear.  (Spaghetti strap tops and athletic shoes were out; pressed khakis and blazers were in).  I guess it was particularly helpful for this organization to point out that while skirts and dresses were always appropriate for women – “Female executives and their assistants may choose to wear suits.”  I wonder what happened when Grace, the lowly mid-level Purchasing Manager decided to wear a suit?  Scandalous!

That, of course, was on the Do/Don’t slide for women. And naturally there was a Do/Don’t slide for men. The headers of these two slides:

“Men Should Look Nice” and “Women Should Look Pretty.”

I am not kidding.

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I think about a new employee sitting in a conference room in 2007 (that’s only 5 years ago!) with other newbies. She was excited to start her new job, perhaps even making a bit more money than in her last gig.  She had been through numerous interviews, got a good vibe from her soon-to-be-boss and felt she made the right decision for her career when she accepted the job offer.

And then she learned what this company considers important for the success of its female employees when she’s told She Should Look Pretty.

I wonder how long I would have lasted?

Photo credit iStockphoto

When my younger daughter went away to school this year, and my husband and I were “empty nesters” for the first time in over 20 years, I decided that I wanted to take up quilting.

Two of my good friends are quilters and they often talked about how much they enjoyed it.

I took my first quilting class in November and made a quilt for my youngest. Then in December, I made a quilt for my eldest. In January I made a quilt for my niece and in February I made a quilt for my sister-in-law. I have two more quilts planned to do next. You could say that I am addicted!

What I love about quilting is that it gives me a chance to sit at the sewing machine and just concentrate on sewing a straight line. Doing this work clears my mind.

I also love the creative part of quilting when I am in the fabric store choosing fabrics.  Then, although my mind is whirring with what will go with what, I don’t think about anything else.

When I was younger I was a runner and I loved the times when all thoughts would disappear from my mind and the only things I concentrated on were my breathing and my feet hitting the ground.

I have been swamped with work lately and quilting in my spare time has been a joy and a needed distraction. I am curious, what do you do to stop thinking and just be?

Photo credit iStockphoto

This is the 11th post in our Women of HR series focusing on career. Read along, consider the advice and we invite you to comment with insights of your own.

“How can I find time to attend this networking event when I am already spread too thin between work, my 2 year old, and my graduate studies?” asked one thirty-something overwhelmed professional/student in my office a few months ago.

Great question.  And one I didn’t have the perfect, fix- it solution for. If I did, I would perhaps be better at my daily juggling act as well.

A typical morning for me often involves acquiescing to my 3-year-old’s desire for a little Yo Gabba Gabba before preschool, chasing my 18-month-old who has found diaper cream and proceeded to spread it all over her cherubic cheeks, and hopefully catching a quick glance in the mirror to ensure my ensemble is professional enough to greet the recruiters looking to hire the MBA students I work with.

As a career coach working with graduate business students, I have found that more and more students are coming to me with similar questions about balancing motherhood, professional careers and aspirations, and graduate studies.  No small feat.

I have taken to reading many expert opinions on the subject in hopes of gleaning tidbits of advice that will provide solace and practical solutions for the students I work with. There seems to be a general consensus among career experts and life coaches on this topic of work life balance. The advice given is, stop trying to balance it all because you can’t, seems contrary to what we, in corporate America, have been focusing on for the past few decades since women came into the workforce in numbers.

Think about it.  Giving up the goal of a perfect balance of equal parts time, passion, and energy in all aspects of life actually takes a huge weight off of a working student mother’s shoulders.Rather than continually beating yourself up because you couldn’t give your children the same amount of time and energy as you did your work that day, instead focus on the time you do have with your kids.

Productively managing multiple roles in life can be accomplished through making choices that match your values.  Working overtime is a necessity if your boss comes to you with a last minute deadline. When your child has a lunch concert you make a choice to put that obligation first.  If your Organizational Behavior professor piles on the number of papers due in a week, you might have to block out weekend time to study at the library.  All choices are valid and none of them makes you a bad mom, worker, or student.  Instead, it is an incredible exercise in prioritizing.

Making choices that match your priorities takes away guilt, provides confidence in your lifestyle, and helps you focus on the positive.  Give yourself the freedom to give yourself a break and stop aiming for balance.

Aim for choice and embrace the fact that we as women have one.

At least focus on that when you are lamenting the fact that you are headed home from work at 5:30pm and you still have a night of dinner making, bath time rituals, and paper writing ahead of you!

Photo credit iStockphoto

This is the 10th post in our Women of HR series focusing on career. Read along, consider the advice and we invite you to comment with insights of your own.

I’ve always been fascinated by the concept of  network. It’s amazing how powerful a network can be.

Since as far back as I can remember, I’ve always invested time in building my network and helping people around me. For some lucky reason, networking came natural to me and I started networking early on in my career and even as a student. Today, I realize how much I’ve accomplished by building my network. After 15-20 years, my network has become powerful

I have some great stories, related to finding a job, which demonstrates the power of a network:

My Dream Job

I decided, 2 ½ years ago, that I didn’t want to be a consultant anymore. I missed working with a team. I made a list of my ideal job: technology company, small to medium business (SMB) size and ideally near my home. So I started researching on Google and found this amazing SMB techno company not even a mile from my home.

After more research, I found out on LinkedIn that this guy I’d just helped preparing his resume was linked to one of the co-founders of this company. There is a lot of luck  and great timing in my story but because of my network, I found an easy way to introduce myself to this company and I’ve been working there since.

I LOVE my job. Thank you to my friendly network.

Helping Others Find Their Dream Jobs

Recently, because of my network, I helped 2 friends find their dream jobs.

The first friend called me up to get some feedback on her resume. She was starting to search for a new job as a web coordinator and wasn’t sure her resume gave the right impression. After hanging up with her, about 10 minutes later, 2 guys came in our office to look at our office space (our offices are moving to a bigger space) and I realized that one of the guys is someone I knew from school. So we start chatting and they explain to me what business they are in … yes, web sites development. My friend would be the perfect match for them so I tell them about her. They agreed to meet her and they hired her!

The second friend had been looking for an HR job for around 6 months. She was taking her time because it was important for her to find the right fit. So I find myself one morning in a networking event and I’m talking with someone I’ve met a few times before. We work in the same industry and are both in HR. He shares with me the fact that he needs to hire someone in HR but he finds it challenging to find the right person. After discussing the profile he’s looking for, I tell him about my friend whom I think would be a great fit for his job. When I tell him her name, he realizes that she applied for his open position and they where meeting a few days later for an interview. He hired her!

So what do these stories have in common?

Amazing timing and luck for sure, but more than that, they each reflect the power of a network. In competition for jobs today, it makes a difference if you are recommended or referred by someone the company already trusts. You can get your dream job because of your network – because you are connected with someone the company already trusts.

Read that again. Powerful!

Never, never neglect your network because you never know when it will have such a powerful impact on your life.

Photo credit iStockphoto

This is the 9th post in our Women of HR series focusing on career. Read along, consider the advice and we invite you to comment with insights of your own.

Go into your next interview prepared to negotiate.

One can argue that a well laid plan is never a bad idea. However, when it comes to negotiating a salary—it’s a must!

I am telling you this from experience.

When on the job search a few years ago in Denver, I accepted a really low salary because I wasn’t prepared to negotiate pay for what I thought was fair. I ended up feeling stuck in a low paying job with no chance of a near raise or bonus. So I sought the advice of a personal injury attorney, who advised me on the proper techniques for negotiating a fair salary that both myself and my employer were happy with.

Going into your next interview prepared with some rough salary calculations will keep your eye on the prize. And because salary negotiations in an interview can create a lot of anxiety—the thought of confrontation might leave you feeling nervous. Or you might end up sounding either too greedy if you ask for too much or just plain pathetic if you don’t ask for what you think you’re worth and just accept the base offer. Having a range in mind can take a lot of pressure off both you and your potential employer.

Follow these 5 steps when negotiating your next salary:

 1. Settle on a suitable salary range before your interview

Going into an interview, you may be afraid of the uncomfortable point when the interviewer will ask you what your salary expectations are. You know it’s going to happen, so why not be prepared with a salary range? You can settle on a suitable salary range by researching the average salary of comparable positions in the city you work in. You will get paid more for your higher education and any special skills or qualifications you might have as well. Keep this in mind: if you ask for more than you want, the interviewer will be forced to negotiate if they really want you and you may end up with money than what the employer originally had in mind.

2. Don’t bring up salary

At some point during the meeting, the interviewer will want to talk about your salary expectations. However, that doesn’t mean you need to be the one to talk money first. I recommend letting the interviewer bring the topic up, then ask about the range they are willing to pay, before you offer up an expected amount. This way, you get the upper hand by learning what they are willing to pay first (they are probably working within a budget). After that, you can aim for the high end of the employer’s range instead of guessing in the dark.

3. Always negotiate in a range

Never state a solid number and stick to it. It’s best to give the employer a high and low end to work with. This tactic is not meant to devalue your skills or education, but stating a range rather than a firm numbers shows that you are willing to work with the employer so that everyone is happy.

4. Support your worth

Your potential employer isn’t going to just agree to pay you what you want without some sort of explanation on your part. You will be expected to provide the “why?” Meaning “why” you think you deserve this range of pay. Your calculation should be based on the skills and work experience you will bring to the table (i.e., so your education, skills, expertise, professional accolades, and your years of service).

5. Remember there are bonuses to any salary

If the job is one that you know you will really enjoy, but the employer can’t pay you the money you expect, all is not lost! Negotiations as far as things like holidays, lieu days, and health benefits are still on the table. Many start-up companies and small businesses will offer employees lower salaries, but make up for it when it comes to additional holidays or bonuses until they can afford to pay employees more in salary. Remember, bonuses and holidays can bulk up your salary by almost half if you consider lieu days, reduced hours, and the option to work from home.

Learning the proper techniques for negotiating a salary means that you won’t end up accepting the base offer or agreeing to less pay than you think you’re worth. If you do, your whole job hunt could be for nothing because you’ll be unfulfilled financially and looking for a better paying job right away.

Photo credit iStockphoto

About The Author: Colleen Harding is a staff writer for a Denver personal injury attorney and guest blogger who specializes on writing about law. Today, Colleen hopes that sharing her knowledge will make us all happy, law-abiding citizens. She is also a member of Amnesty International as well as an active volunteer in her community.

This is the 8th post in our Women of HR series focusing on career. Read along, consider the advice and we invite you to comment with insights of your own.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to work for yourself? First of all, consider these factors to determine if your temperament is a good fit for self-employment. If the answer is yes, then you’ve cleared the first hurdle, but you still aren’t home free.

Before self-employment becomes a viable option, be sure you’re not buying into any of the myths out there that may lead you astray. As a self-employed home-based business owner since 1995, I’m here to debunk those myths and further help you determine if you should hang out your shingle.  Trust me, it’s not for everyone.

Here are four misconceptions of small business ownership that I’ve repeatedly encountered over the past seventeen years:

Consultants make big bucks. Oh, if I had a dollar for every time somebody said this to me I would be rich! Usually, the conversation goes something like this:

They: So, Jennifer, you’re a consultant, right?

Me: Yes I am.

They: Well, our company hired a fancy-pants consultant last month. Geez, the daily fees that guy got! I wish I could earn that kind of money. You must do OK for yourself, huh?

This is one of the biggest myths I encounter about self-employment. People with this mindset lack a fundamental understanding of how small businesses operate. That “daily fee” the consultant charges is the company’s revenue, not the consultant’s paycheck. Out of that dollar amount comes any cost of goods sold (for example, the personality assessments that I purchase from a publisher), utilities, office supplies and so forth. After I pay all my bills and if there is money left, then I pay myself. Some months, there is no paycheck.

Working from home means less daycare costs. Big. Fat. Lie. Sure, now that my kids are older, I can sneak in some phone conferences and a quick check of emails. But if you want to do heavy thinking work, or lead a conference call, then you’ll need someone besides you to handle the daycare. Nothing kills your aura of professionalism like hearing strains of “Mommy, Charlie just threw up!” in the background while you’re trying to conduct a business call.

You’ll have more flexibility in your schedule. Well, sort of. Being independently employed does mean that you can arrange your schedule in whatever way you want it. I have found however, that Murphy’s Law is very much in effect when it comes to client needs. It never fails that a client needs something urgently during the time you’ve blocked out for your “flexible” schedule. And, if you are flying solo like I am, then there are very few to whom you can make the hand off.

The write-offs are a huge perk. Yet more evidence that the person saying this to me doesn’t understand a basic Profit & Loss statement. Yes, there are many things small business owners can write off, but it’s not like the amount written off goes straight into our pockets. The “write off” reduces the tax liability, but it’s not like some amazing rebate plan. Items like meals eaten during business meetings and certain travel expenditures are only partially deductible.

So, still think you’re ready to make the leap into self-employment? Then let me be the first to offer you encouragement. It has the potential to be an extremely rewarding career. It’s a choice I’ve never regretted and hope you will find as much satisfaction as I have. Drop me a line and let me know if you take the plunge.

This is the 7th post in our Women of HR series focusing on career. Read along, consider the advice and we invite you to comment with insights of your own.

After the marathon that is the job interview process, reference checks can be the last mile and where it is easy to trip up.

Once, at 6:00 p.m. on a weeknight, I received a call from a U.S. Congressman who I had called earlier as a reference for a candidate. He spoke about how the candidate was a strong and influential leader in his office and told a story about the candidate’s strengths and perseverance throughout his tenure.  While we might not all have elected officials as our references, we can help prepare them to speak as eloquently as this reference did.

Easily forgotten, the 10 minute reference call can make or break your candidacy for a position.

We pick our references, but do we prepare them? By the time you get a job offer, it may be months since you gave your old supervisor the head’s up that you were searching. Or maybe you didn’t give them any notice and they are on a sabbatical in the north of France.

The worst thing a reference can do is not respond, but a vague response is just as bad when impacting a hiring decision.

Properly preparing your references is essential to making the best impression possible. Create a document for each reference that highlights the accomplishments you made as well any awards or honors you received. Include a story of how you overcame a weakness. Use a skill set vs. a personality trait to demonstrate your professional growth.

Unlike the interview process, a reference check can include personal accomplishments and challenges that you had to overcome. The best references are individuals that you built relationships with and maintained throughout your career.

Overall, the 2-3 references you pick should be able to speak on your behalf and convey the traits that will make you an asset to any company. Providing them a point of reference will only enhance the information that they convey, and increase your chances of making the best impression possible.

Don’t we all want that?

Photo credit iStockphoto

About the author: Jessica Gross serves as the Lead Recruiter for a nonprofit staffing firm in Washington, DC where she performs full-cycle recruiting for entry level to C-level management roles. Jessica provides career counseling and job readiness assistance to individuals and nonprofits in the DC-area. Connect with Jessica on Twitter as Jessicas144 and on LinkedIn.

This is the 6th post in our Women of HR series focusing on career. Read along, consider the advice and we invite you to comment with insights of your own.

Recently, I wrote a guest post for my employer’s blog. I shared what I look for and consider when I’m hiring for our company. What I wrote isn’t new or groundbreaking, and most likely sounds like a thousand other HR articles with hiring advice.

The most important thing I shared is probably the most overlooked with all the people I interview. When I open the door for the candidate to ask questions, few people take me up on the offer.

When you’re considering spending a significant amount of your day somewhere, why wouldn’t you try to discover what the place is like? One of the reasons I give you the opportunity to ask me questions is to find out how interested – and interesting – you really are. We’re a small employer, and you’re not going to be able to lose yourself in any kind of crowd. The position we hire you into will likely change significantly within a year or two. Do you want to know whether or not you’ll enjoy working with us? Or are you simply in it for a paycheck? The types of questions you ask me will give me insight about those things, and will benefit you in the long run.

It’s important you find a job you don’t hate, that won’t make you bitter and resentful. You may not be interviewing for your dream job, but the job shouldn’t drain you of all hope to the point that you’re simply living day-to-day, giving up on your dreams. Interview me. Ask about big picture items. Find out as much as you can about the company culture, the customers, strategies and the bigger goals. Is the company profitable? Is it growing?

I meet a lot of nice people. When I’m interviewing candidates for an entry- or mid-level position, a majority of the applicants would likely do a good job. The opportunity to interview me is a chance for you to demonstrate that you care about more than just the position. Any little bit of extra effort you exert may sway my decision your way.

Photo credit iStockphoto