By now you’ve probably heard about CVS pharmacy asking its employees to have their doctor complete a voluntary health screening (Health Risk Assessment) by May 2014 or they’ll be required to pay an additional $50 a month for their group health insurance.  Of course many sources have blown this up by saying that CVS wants to get their hot little hands on employees’ health information so they can start firing unhealthy people.

This is an excellent example of how much the media doesn’t know about group healthcare by portraying CVS like the big, bad wolf.   I’ve already written about this topic and if you speak with any insurance broker, they’ll tell you that the process of adding a voluntary Health Risk Assessment to a group health plan isn’t new.  Nor is this an evil plot by CVS to ransack employee health records so they can fire sick people.

Dr. Deborah Peel, a national advocate for patient privacy is quoted saying this process is “technology-enhanced discrimination on steroids.”  Huh?  Surely Dr. Peel is fully aware that this health information is considered Protected Health Information (PHI) under the HIPAA Privacy Rule.

If you know me, you know that I’m a bit of an HR rebel and don’t mind calling out Corporate America when humans get mistreated in the workplace.  In this case, I’m okay with this decision by CVS because they’re preparing for their own financial survival with the upcoming provisions of Healthcare Reform rolling out in 2014.  Answer this:

Why should any company be forced to pay for an employee’s irresponsible health choices?

Choosing to drive home after happy hour that results in a DUI will ultimately cause auto insurance rates to go up.  Should those who choose not to drink and drive pay higher auto insurance premiums than those who do drink and drive?

Choosing to smoke cigarettes will ultimately cause repeated and ongoing illnesses and doctor visits.  Should those who choose not to smoke pay the same medical insurance premium as those who do smoke?

Choosing not to exercise and eat unhealthy foods can cause obesity that can result in various diseases and increased health issues.  Should those who choose to take care of their body pay the same medical premium as those who don’t take care of themselves?

It’s no secret that America is unhealthy and we are all paying for it.  We have an obesity epidemic with one out of every three adults being obese.  In an attempt to attack this, First Lady Michelle Obama launched the well-known Let’s Move program to combat childhood obesity.  New York’s Mayor Bloomberg was unsuccessful in trying to ban 16 ounce sodas from being sold.  The reason was because this is considered an issue of “personal responsibility.”

But what if there isn’t any personal responsibility?  Will a hit in the wallet entice people to be responsible?  Who knows.  But to borrow Einstein’s words:

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

What is certain is that our society cannot continue on this unhealthy and expensive path.

Rant over.  Back to CVS.

The Health Risk Assessments that are issued to employees are done by a third party — not the employer, the insurance carrier or the insurance broker.  The content and health information is never shared — with anyone.  So the notion that CVS will have access to this information and use it to fire unhealthy workers is ridiculous.  The third party companies who administer this process aren’t interested in getting involved in litigation and take precautions to ensure this medical information stays protected — as they should.

But here’s where the challenge lies:  can the assessments be formulated in a way to determine if someone’s poor health is due to bad choices or just bad DNA?

I reached out to a good friend and colleague, Bill Stedman, who is a producer with Trion.  He agreed that the Health Risk Assessment would only be the tip of the iceberg to address this issue.  To get more accurate information, the process would need to evolve to a blood draw to take the health assessment further.

During our conversation, Bill raised another good point.  Instead of charging employees more for not completing the health assessment, why not charge them less for completing the assessment?  Trion is working diligently to keep clients informed of each new provision and how it impacts organizations and employees.

Overall, we agreed that the worlds of group employer insurance and individual employee health will be colliding in a very intricate way over the upcoming months and years.

Are you ready?

About the author: Kimberly Roden is an HR pro turned consultant and the founder of Unconventional HR.  She has 25 years of progressive experience as a strategic HR and business leader.  Her hands-on and innovative approach allows her to create and deliver HR solutions to meet business challenges and needs by managing human capital, talent acquisition and technology.

It’s common sense (well it should be anyway!) that job seekers shouldn’t bad mouth former employers on a job interview.

However, when you’re looking for a new job, there’s always a good reason for it and you should be honest — in a professional way.  I’m not talking about getting into an hour-long drama explaining how tired you are of the office politics.

I read an article where the author stated you should use the following reasons to explain why you want to leave your current employer:

• Seeking new opportunities
• Looking for more responsibility
• Interested in career advancement

Don’t get me wrong – these are very viable reasons to look for a new gig.  But they’ve been around for eons and are ultra cliche!  Everyone who doesn’t want to talk about the fact that they hate their boss will use one of these reasons.  If one of these reasons are legit for you, skip the cliche and just provide an example.  For instance, share an experience about why you’re ready to tackle new responsibilities and how it will add value to an organization.

Unless the person interviewing you has just fallen off of a turnip truck or is on their first day of the job, they’ll want to know more.  It’s best if it comes from you rather than having the interviewer make an incorrect assumption about you or your work.

And what if you really are leaving your job because you hate your boss.  Is it best to be honest?  Well, we’d like to think we could be because there is a laundry list of bad bosses out there.  But, like it or not, perception is reality and you’ll be judged way too harshly if you were that honest.  In this case, my suggestion would be to think of the second biggest reason of why you want to leave your position and go from there.

The most important thing to remember is to be your real, unscripted self.

Photo credit: stock.xchng

About the author: Kimberly Roden is an HR pro turned consultant and the founder of Unconventional HR.  She has 25 years of progressive experience as a strategic HR and business leader.  Her hands-on and innovative approach allows her to create and deliver HR solutions to meet business challenges and needs by managing human capital, talent acquisition and technology.

I live in a small commercial fishing town at the beach.  When Hurricane Sandy was gearing up and making news, we heard, “this town hasn't been breached since 1962, everything will be fine.”  Folks weren't panicked since Irene mandated an evacuation and not one light bulb flickered.  These families' incomes are on the water so their lives are driven by the weather.

Then came Sandy.  She was on a mission to tell her own story.

I live in Barnegat Light, NJ which is a small community at the most northern point of Long Beach Island. Also the highest part of the island with a man-made jetty and built-up sand dunes.

Here's a picture of our street at high-tide.

The water was rising and it was terrifying.  I was following Twitter for updates. Our phones were all we had to communicate.  By morning and low tide, the water had receded.  Barnegat Light was dry again.

We jumped in the car and started checking on friends and neighbors.  Possessions were blown around and I was tweeting pics from our town and surrounding communities.  Random folks were tweeting back and asking me to check on their house. We did.

What I didn't realize is that we would be doing that for the next 3 days. Not only did we check on homes and take pictures, we were turning off gas lines, emp

tying out freezers and trying to put homeowners' minds at ease.

When I'm working I feel like I'm moving 100 miles an hour.  But I've never really known what it feels like to move at 100 miles an hour until those days following Sandy.

So while I sit here in a hotel room in Pennsylvania seeing the devastation caused by Sandy for the first time on television, I'm off-kilter in every way possible.  The wide range of feelings and emotions that I experienced from the building of the storm, going through the storm and what we saw after the storm have left my soul feeling like one of those tiny knots you get in a thinly-threaded necklace. You have no choice but to let time, patience and perseverance loosen it.

How do folks decompress and process this experience?

While we have been displaced with a few belongings, it's nothing more than a string of inconveniences.  After all, we have an intact home to go to and so many others don't.

Like other tragedies, we get our temporary wake-up call and then move on. Do we ever truly realize and appreciate what really matters?

I bet the folks who lived here will.

About the author: Kimberly Roden is an HR pro turned consultant and the founder of Unconventional HR.  She has 25 years of progressive experience as a strategic HR and business leader.  Her hands-on and innovative approach allows her to create and deliver HR solutions to meet business challenges and needs by managing human capital, talent acquisition and technology.

Women of  HR were asked, “If you were CEO for a day, what would (or did) you focus on to improve an organization's productivity, employee engagement or ability to recruit?”  This is the second post in the series of responses.

If I had the opportunity to be the CEO for a day, I'd tell the entire organization to forget everything they know, have experienced or have been told about Human Resources.  We’re going to focus on one thing — making work better!  Making the employment experience what it's supposed to be: mutually beneficial.  

We spend more time at work than we do anywhere else.  I have to believe that all organizations aspire to have people who want to come to work and to have their leadership embrace the effort it takes to make that happen.  Yes, it's a huge undertaking that would be time consuming, frustrating and require baby steps that focus on a consistent message which is simply, to make work better.  I believe it's possible and after all, this is my story!

So what does it mean to make work better?

It means we'd start by focusing on relationships — starting with one of the most important ones: managers and their teams.  Managers who are not effective communicators or who may be uncomfortable confronting tough issues or being transparent will learn how to communicate effectively and productively.  Since building good relationships obviously requires multiple people to work well together, employees will also learn how to be comfortable handling feedback and exchanging ideas with their managers and colleagues.  All of this will be done face to face or via video chat.  How many times have you heard someone say, “I didn't like the tone of that email.”  How many times have you had to run interference between a manager and a team member because of a preventable miscommunication that spiraled out of control?

We're going to eliminate the annual performance review process completely!

Don't worry, we'll have ways to manage performance.  We'll focus on goals and we'll start Feedback Sessions that will be more frequent, yet brief.  Managers and teams will compare notes on the status of their goals, brainstorm about tools that address their individual growth areas, set new goals and provide a clear understanding of how the team's success fits into the progress of the company.  Yes, we need to know what needs to be said for effective feedback but it's even more important to know “how” things need to be said.

We're going to step up to the pla

te and hit a line drive with the empathy bat!

Employees and managers will do deep dives into understanding each others jobs.  Employees will recognize what it takes for their managers to be successful and vice versa.  Doesn't it make a difference to work on a project when you know why the project is important and what the direct relevance that your success has on the goals of the company?  It makes the difference between wanting to come to work and not wanting to come to work.

We're going to gut the employee manual and focus on simplicity and common sense! 

We'll keep the legal stuff in there but we're going to remove some of the dumbest employment policies I've ever seen — the ones that border on being inhuman — like telling people how many bereavement days they get based on how the company defines particular family members.  I'll never forget — I once worked with a young man whose parents were killed when he was a baby and he was raised by his aunt.  But because his aunt was not defined as an “immediate family member” in the handbook, this man had to take most of his vacation time so he could grieve and make the necessary burial arrangements.  You get the point.  I digress.

Last but definitely not least.  Everyone will leave their egos at the door.

Yes, everyone.  Teams can't be built and folks can't collaborate when someone is always vying for the spotlight.  Those who can't handle that can make a graceful exit.  I've always said that people don't leave bad companies, they leave bad managers.  And you can take that to the bank.  Do you think someone who is unhappy at work is going to be helpful and friendly with coworkers and customers?  That would be a resounding “no.”

When we improve our internal relationships, teach folks how to foster those relationships, treat people like adults and work in ways that are progressive and unconventional (think anti-Corporate America) everything else will fall into place — like client satisfaction and profitability.  Wow, what a concept.

Happy to hear your thoughts.

Photo credit: UnconventionalHR

About the author: Kimberly Roden is an HR pro turned consultant and the founder of Unconventional HR.  She has 25 years of progressive experience as a strategic HR and business leader.  Her hands-on and innovative approach allows her to create and deliver HR solutions to meet business challenges and needs by managing human capital, talent acquisition and technology.

Have you heard the story about the gal who was fired from her full-time job as a reporter because she didn’t disclose to her employer that she was a part-time exotic dancer, er stripper?

She’s filed a complaint with the EEOC and is suing her former employer for gender discrimination.  When I first heard it on the news, my first thought was, “Good for her, I hope she kicks their ass and wins!”  After all, she’s a reporter, not a nun.  She’s earned a Master’s in Journalism and was paying off debt for her education — that ultimately benefits her employer.

Perhaps she was discovered by her stripper blog that had a photo and her real name on it.  Or maybe someone she works with happened to see her while she was on the clock at her part-time gig.

Back to the case.

If her employer argues they had a “no moonlighting” policy and employees were obligated to disclose where they worked, I wonder if she would have been fired if she was working at a pizza joint or the local gym.  I’m thinking they would have turned a blind eye provided it wasn’t affecting her work by day.  The general purpose of this policy is usually two-fold: employers want to make sure their employees aren’t working for a competitor and they also don’t want their employees’ work to suffer if they’re physically exhausted from working a second job.

But what really gets under my skin is something different.

The reason I want this gal to win this case is because a message needs to be sent to employers to get off their high, self-righteous horses and respect the private lives of their employees.  No laws are being broken.  Get out of the lives of people’s Facebook pages, asking for social media passwords, political beliefs, religious beliefs, sexual orientation preferences and yes, part time jobs.

It’s none of anyone’s business.

If an employee fails to perform, then step in.  Employees are people, just like you, and have a right to a life outside of work.

As an aside:  This gal’s attorney, Gloria Allred says, “Most exotic dancers are female, and therefore to terminate an employee because they had previously been an exotic dancer would have an adverse impact on women, since it is a female-dominated occupation.”

I agree with that and I still want her to win.

Photo credit: iStockphoto

Remember the song, “Changes” by David Bowie?  Great lyrics — give it a listen the next time you’re browsing YouTube.

I still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet

In July 2010 when I wrote a post for Women of HR on character building, I reflected on the changes going on in my life and how I wasn’t appreciating the value coming from them.  We see change everywhere. We have experts on change management and we tell leaders and employees to embrace change.

It’s BS.  Yes, it really is.

Not that change doesn’t build character – it certainly does!  But it’s easy to be passionate about the value of change when it’s our idea, our choice.  When it’s not, we’re forced to accept change (“turn and face the strain”) because it’s placed upon us by others or by events that occur in our lives.  I heard someone once say,

“The level of peoples’ happiness is based only on the extent that they feel in control of their lives.”

Do you agree with that?  When things are going great in our lives — whether professional or personal, we’re happy, right?  When things aren’t going well, we can get bummed out or grumpy at the world around us.

Back when I wrote that post, I moved away from my boyfriend and the beach to accept a new gig.  The job market was unchanged from today and there were no professional jobs at the beach, let alone a corporate HR gig!  I was gainfully employed but not so thrilled that I had to accept a part time relationship on the personal side.  Yes, I made the decision to move but it wasn’t my ideal choice. Can you see the difference?

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same

I was recently downsized from the job and I’m relieved – truly.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking this lightly and being out of work is stressful on so many levels.  But I’m back at the beach full time with my (now) fiancé and have decided to stay here and start a consulting business.

The risks, new challenges and everything else associated with entering entrepreneurship is overwhelming and will bring on more change. The difference?  I’m controlling this change.

Photo credit:  stock.xchng

Both are underrated, refreshing and should be enjoyed more frequently!

It seems that all I can think and write about is forms of communication — whether it’s feedback, sensitive discussions, listening, body language or the how’s and the why’s of communicating.

I’m not going to apologize for my borderline obsession on this topic because communication is an integral part of sustaining positive relationships — personal and professional.  I often question if we make enough of an effort to do it right.  Can you think of a personal or professional situation that escalated into a misunderstanding?  If you go back and trace the communication trail, could it have been avoided?  This is one of those gray areas that reflects the countless styles of human interaction.  And like humans – it’s imperfect.

I have a little story about my own epic fail with my daughter.  After you read it, I hope that you’ll have a takeaway on the significance and simplicity of recognizing communication styles of ourselves and others.

A few weeks ago, my 20-year-old daughter sent me a text message telling me that her “dumb phone” was falling apart and was there any chance of getting a new phone now instead of waiting until our contracts renewed in 6 months.  You see, this was about the 1oth time she’s initiated the cell phone discussion.  Each time, I gave her the “C’mon, your priorities should be on school, not having a smart phone so you can update your Facebook” speech. Little did she know that I was already in the process of purchasing pre-owned smart phones to surprise her and her brother for their upcoming birthdays.

Since I had information she didn’t have and didn’t want to spoil the surprise, I was nonchalant with her concern of having a broken phone.  Later that day she called me with emotions boiling over.  She felt I was dismissing her and didn’t understand why I wasn’t acknowledging the issue of the broken phone or willing to discuss options to solve the problem.

Whoa!  I get it — calm down girlfriend!  So while I was ascending the throne of Duchess of Damage Control, everything I neglected to do hit me right between the eyes.

If I had a do-over I would:

Address & acknowledge the details & priorities with clarity & factual information. My daughter’s desire for a new cell phone wasn’t about having an 8-megapixel camera — it was simply about having a phone that worked properly and without broken buttons.

Tailor communication based on your knowledge of the listener’s style. Had I been wearing my empathetic hat, I would have gone back to my college days and recalled the trepidation of managing the new demands and life skills that college students face.  My lack of communication added to her pressure that ultimately resulted in the enjoyable emotional ambush I received.

Set expectations and next steps. What are the available options to solve the problem and what is the timetable?

When we take time to find the pain points of discussions and consider options to work towards an agreeable solution, we have an immediate progression in our relationships.  Sure we’ll have those times when the solution doesn’t result in a happy happy joy joy ending but don’t we owe it to each other to listen and be heard with clarity?

Photo credit:  stock.xchng

When we talk about communication in the form of feedback at work, both managers and employees tend to get anxious and basic conversations quickly become burdensome and uncomfortable.

In my post, Did you mean to say it that way? I wrote about how we communicate and the importance of  being genuine vs. scripted.

With a bit of practice and some simple guidelines, the feedback conversations people normally dread can take place much easier. Practice doesn’t always make us perfect but it will surely make the process easier. Before hitting the topics, it’s important to remember that preparation is key.

We’re working with humans who have minds of their own that are filled with opinions. It’s reasonable to have a dialog and anticipate any follow-up questions that may arise for an effective discussion. Notice it’s about having a discussion – when people are speaking to each other - not at each other.

Speak Productively

If you want the person to engage in a discussion, avoid speaking in the first person. I guarantee that if you use the word “you” in your conversation, the person will not hear a word you’re saying. It’s natural for humans to feel defensive when addressed this way and while you think they’re paying attention, they’re probably rehearsing comments of defense in their head.

Keep the conversation in the third person and speak about the work issue or behavior. A simple example is to avoid statements like, “You missed the last 2 deadlines” and say, “The last 2 deadlines haven’t been met.” When people are addressed in a non-threatening way, they’ll become more receptive and self-aware.

Because this style of communicating may not come naturally, a trick I use when coaching managers is to visualize the issue or behavior as a real object that you can touch and hold. It’s the basic rule of addressing the issue or behavior rather than the individual.

Be Prepared

During a feedback discussion, you should anticipate questions regarding someone’s work performance so have your details handy. Additional specifics provide clarity so that everyone is on the same page regarding expectations. The last thing anyone needs is for either person to leave a discussion feeling confused. You’d be surprised how frequently managers will talk “all around” a topic instead of addressing it head on.

Set Expectations

You may be asked how to come up with solutions or ideas for improvement. Since employees should make an effort to be accountable for their careers and continued learning, managers should turn the question around and ask the employee to think about ways they believe will help them to work smarter. We shouldn’t be treating employees like little soldiers who will do as we command, we should be encouraging them to think about how they work.

When we set expectations to focus on upward mobility, this provides an opportunity to get into the habit of solving work challenges both independently and collectively.

Manage Anger and Emotion

Even when you’ve made every effort to speak productively, how do you handle a situation if someone responds with anger? When humans become angry, they’re reacting to feeling offended, wronged or threatened. It’s a modern form of the traditional fight-or-flight response and important to recognize. You can diffuse the anger by acknowledging the reaction and calmly start to ask the person questions. When you ask questions relative to the specifics of what they’re angry about, the person will almost be forced to calm down so he or she can answer the questions.

Obviously, unpredictable situations can raise challenges but the most important thing to do is to continue to treat the issues as objects without taking these reactions personally or allowing ego to get in the way. Remain rational and get the conversation back on track.

Provide Ongoing and Frequent Feedback

Most people appreciate getting a temperature check of how they’re doing at work even if it’s a weekly 10-minute chat. Employees have a higher level of commitment, contentment and confidence when they know where they stand. It’s also an excellent way to create and build a positive employer-employee relationship.  Keep in mind I’m not referring to a formal performance review process of having a sit down and reviewing performance with a subjective form with little boxes checked off next to an employee score rating.  (That’s a topic for another day!)

When leaders and managers begin to realize that the best employee-employer relationship is one that is mutually beneficial, it’s noticeable and can have a positive ripple effect throughout any organization.  After all, employees are humans and deserve to be treated as such.

Photo credit iStockphoto

If we had a crystal ball, life would be grand. But, because we don’t, we often find ourselves at the mercy of hindsight. Hindsight being 20/20, what is one setback you faced in your career that ended up being a blessing in disguise?

Once upon a time, a former manager phoned me and told me of a company he knew that could really use my help.  His words will resonate in my mind forever, ”They really need HR help because the CEO has trouble making decisions and when he does, he keeps changing his mind.  I’m worried the managers will run amok without any guidelines or structure.”

During our conversation, visuals of Corporate America à la Lord of the Flies were flashing through my mind.  It didn’t scare me because I thrive on a challenge and have plenty of experience with HR start ups.  “It’s textbook,” I thought.  Well, in hindsight I should have run far away, but I jumped in.

After a few months of observing, mingling and meeting folks, it was apparent that the CEO was not leading managers but being led by them.  Managers were consumed with the success of their own organizational silos.  Decisions regarding staffing, salaries, bonuses, etc. were reactionary and self-serving.  There was no consideration given to what was best for the business or how individual departmental decisions impacted other areas of the company.  That was only one of many issues that had an unconstructive domino effect within the organization.

I put my HR experience into this project and worked on bringing cohesion to the company, improving inter-departmental communication and relationships while implementing consistent practices for legal and business reasons.  I proposed a comprehensive action plan to gradually tackle one issue at a time while simultaneously educating the managers so they would be on board as well.  It was HR 101 and the CEO was 100% on board.  But remember, he was being led by others, including me.  While I had the thumbs up from the CEO to run with the ball, many managers resisted as structure stifled their personal agendas.  Managers’ frustration levels were high from ongoing in-fighting due to intransigent decisions.  The employees knew it and used it to their advantage.  Here’s an example:

Employee in Department A: Hi there Mr. Manager of Department Z, I don’t like my manager and would like to work with you in your department.  Can you get me moved over?

Manager of Department Z: Sure, I like you and could use the help.  Just grab your things and I’ll let IT know where to move your PC and phone.

Occurrences like this one happened on a regular basis without regard for other managers, workloads or employee qualifications and performance.  Furious managers would come to me and request that I “undo” decisions and actions like the above example.  Picture that nightmare. Ambitious ideas of wanting to educate and influence in this environment made me determined to succeed and make a difference.  But most of these individuals were used to working this way and those who wanted a level of structure were in the minority and didn’t stand a chance of surviving.  Neither did I.

The stress I endured during this project impacted me physically and I lost 10 pounds that I really couldn’t spare.  Ultimately I collapsed in my office and quit the project that same day by way of an ambulance.

This was traumatic, embarrassing and left me feeling like a failure.  On the flip side, it fiercely grabbed my attention and caused me to re-engineer my career.  My determination of wanting to add value and make a positive difference consumed me.  I allowed this to happen to me when I should have taken a step back and recognized that sometimes we just need to know when to say “when” and walk away.

Thank you for letting me share this story.

First impression thoughts and opinions are an unsightly reality of the society we live in.  I’m writing this post because I believe it’s relevant for women to remain continually aware of how much they can and cannot control.

I follow a fun blog called Corporette that’s geared to women in the corporate world and it has decent fashion ideas and advice. Recently, there was a post called Diamond Rings and the Working Girl. The article was about what size diamond ring is appropriate to wear in an office and what about wearing diamonds on a job interview?

I posted the article on my Facebook page with a comment, “Regarding wearing diamonds to an interview: DON’T. I don’t recommend any rings. Strand of pearls or necklace, a watch if you wear one and that’s it.”

I received well over 50 comments and most of the comments were from intelligent women who vehemently disagreed with my comment. The women were saying they wouldn’t work or interview with a company that made hiring decisions based on what type of jewelry they wore or what their marital or financial status might be.  And that companies should do a better job of educating hiring managers.  

They were missing the mark. I was not referring to unethical companies, untrained hiring managers or even jewelry – it’s deeper than that.

Perception is reality so why not make the first impression of you be your real power: your experience, your accomplishments, what you know and how good you are? Control the focus of the interviewer so it stays on YOU without distractions. Wear diamonds and even a wedding ring on an interview and here’s an example of an interviewer’s possible interpretation or first impression (conducted by a human being who will have subjective thoughts and biased opinions creeping into his or her mind) :

• Diamond engagement ring.“Will probably need time off for the wedding and honeymoon.”
• Diamond ring with wedding band.“Wonder if there’s a maternity leave in her future or little kids at home?”
• Gigantic diamond ring with wedding band.“Hubby must earn a good living so she doesn’t need this job. Probably high maintenance who will whine or quit if she can’t have her way.”

This is not about shifting company culture or its leadership, it’s not about training our leaders to make employment decisions solely based on skills and experience, it’s not about whether you work for a family-friendly company, and it’s not about hiding who you are or being disingenuous.  This is my point:

You have the power to outsmart and control what society has created in human nature by circumventing unfair judgments that others may make about your lifestyle or character.

Put this particular gender issue behind you by taking control. Don’t bellyache about wanting to be judged solely on your skills and abilities and then leave yourself wide open for a critique that can be 100% off base.  If your personal life (married? children?) is none of your interviewer’s business then keep it that way during the interview.  

Is this fair? Of course not. Is this real? Yes. Will you ever know about it? Nope. Get the job on your own merit, keep the focus on YOU and wear your bling after you’re hired.

I hope that you’ve realized this isn’t about jewelry or big boobs or surrendering. It’s about successfully and positively controlling how you are perceived by others.

Bring it.