Women, we have a vitally critical role that we must assert ourselves into now and for the long term foreseeable future.  This role is hard to label and has many facets.  We must take on this role.  We must not shy away from it.

In the news there has an increase in the visibility of rapes and gang rapes, as well as sexual abuse.  There are many stats regarding rape, one of the CNN articles I will link to later quotes a survey that 1 in 5 women are the victim of rape.  As you start counting the women you know, you can start right here as one of the victims you know.  But one in five says you know a lot more too.  So we have a job to do.  I found inspiration in this CNN article, Teach young men to treat women with respect.

But I want to push our roles as women further into the actionable details and broader in the scope.

• Our job is to teach boys to respect women.
• Our job is to continue to equalize the genders as partners on this planet.
• Our job is to teach women to be strong and build their self-esteem to help protect them.
• Our job is to encourage our brothers, uncles, male friends, fathers and spouses to be good role models for young men and boys.  They can make a difference in the lives of boys that may feel the need to follow bad role models.
• Our job is to demand that coaches receive training on how to instill respect for women as part of their development of men.
• Our job is to demand that our military leaders receive training on how to instill respect for women as part of their development of men.
• Our job is to demand that their training is part of the exercise and education of our men.
• Our job is to make sure that men who evidently don’t really know what rape is, are not ever elected to public office.
• Our job is to educate our girls that being drunk can put you at risk of way too many things.
• Our job is to teach women to have each others back and to watch out for the ones that are treading into risky territory.
• Our job is to call out the males in our lives when they encourage the victimization image of women. (I am not talking about being prudish or Victorian about sexuality, that is counter-prod
  canexback.com

  uctive).

• Our job is to be outraged and vocal about our outrage at any rape.  It is actually a family discussion topic, if you have children that are teenagers.  It can’t be swept under the rug, it must be discussed.  It wasn’t long ago that we couldn’t discuss breast cancer, but we are now (or you better be).

Women, we have a job to do.

Positive Empowerment

Our job is to help women build their own power and women’s power as a whole which will hopefully change perspectives and here is another great article from CNN, Women's Power: A story with sharp divide.

We as American voters just elected 20 women to the Senate, the largest number in history, but that just 20% of the seats. Not enough. I agree with the sentiment that it is sad that we are celebrating such a low number, but it is a start.

While I was preparing for this  post I found a Facebook post from Mary Ellen Slayter that hit home and absolutely loved.  It is about changing the perspective of women and empowering their image.  It is about the different perspective of women in the fairy tales.  It is much more light hearted then the rest of this post, but it is key.  We must change the image of women at many levels.  This is a great one for the early ages - Girls are Not Chicks Coloring Book.

We have a job to do and it is one of the most vital roles we can play.

About the author: Lois Melbourne, GPHR, is vice-chair to Peoplefluent, a leading social human capital management technology company. Co-founder of the global workforce planning and analytics solutions company Aquire, mom to one terrific young son and wife of co-founder Ross Melbourne, Lois maintains a strong personal commitment to career education and small business development and is a frequent speaker, author of industry articles, and an avid blogger and networker. Connect with her on Twitter as @loismelbourne.

Photo Credit: iStockphoto

We are unwrapping some posts from the Women of HR archives for you this holiday season. Relax, enjoy and let us know if there is a favorite of yours you'd like to see unwrapped and run again.

How do you grow?

You don’t let fear get in the way of your doing what you need to do.

I have just worked through one of the hardest projects I have ever tackled in my life.  I learned so much and the stakes were VERY high. Yes, there were times that the tasks were daunting. Yes, there were times when it was scary, but it is what I needed to do, to succeed and to get through to the other side. There were times when I shut the door, whipped out the iPhone and played a few games of Sudoku just to pull my heart rate down. I was determined to do the very best I could and to make all the right decisions.

I think too often people let the fear of their own unknown capabilities stop them from doing what is needed, or it prevents them from doing quality work on a project or a task. They don’t know if they can accomplish something and they let the fear sit on that negative perspective of the challenge. Another way to look at something that you have never done before, is that now you get to learn something new. Now you get to grow.

It had been awhile since I had done something in business that really had a fear element in it for me. I remember my first trip to Europe was on a business trip that I did all by myself. It scared me.  All the firsts I had on that trip drove my adrenalin. I have never been afraid of travel to anywhere or into

any situation since then. I gained confidence. I remember the first international and the first $100,000+ deals I negotiated. They both made me nervous but they have lead me to relish, not fear, every customer conversation, the big deals and meeting anyone with any title from any walk of life.

I don’t really like the expression ‘facing your fears’ because that gives your fear a shape and presence that makes it even bigger. I think we need an expression more along the lines of “climb above your fear.” This keeps the awareness that we need to respect the trepidation, while using the endorphins to lift us up higher.

So the lesson I have now firmly cemented into my heart is that it is OK to have a fear of something if you use that fear to heighten your awareness and improve your performance. When you come out the other side of a project that  intimidated you, you will have increased confidence and a new perspective.

It’s called experience and it is earned.

About the author: Lois Melbourne, GPHR, is CEO and co-founder of the global workforce planning and analytics solutions company Aquire, mom to one terrific young son and wife of co-founder Ross Melbourne. She maintains a strong personal commitment to career education and small business development and is a frequent speaker, author of industry articles, and an avid blogger and networker. Connect with her on Twitter as @loismelbourne.

Photo credit iStockphoto

I have a passion for mentoring.  I have been helped by so many people to move from a small town student from Missouri to leading an international firm with some of the greatest employees in the world.  I have experienced mentors that have moved in and out of my life and I have mentors who have been part of my life since I was 18 and remain touch stones of reality.  These gifts from wisdom from mentors have made small and enormous differences in my life and the life of my teams.  I spend all of my volunteer efforts towards various types of mentoring.

I started hearing about a group called The Levo League and am very impressed. Launched in March 2012 and based in New York, the Levo League is a social network for young professional women. It offers resources including a job opportunities board, mentorship programs and Q&A video sessions. Here is an interesting quote from a Wired article, The League of Extraordinary Women, from Levo League cofounder and CEO, Caroline Ghosn:

“We are not exclusive to women but we offer solutions for career issues commonly faced by young women,” says Ghosn. “For instance, a man will apply for a job if he has about 50 to 60 percent of the requirements. A woman will only apply if she fulfills 90 to 100 per cent. These are behaviors that we have to unlearn.”

I thought this was interesting and realized that I have seen many women that could benefit from reaching out to mentors and learning how they got where they are.  I have seen counterproductive career moves in both genders.  Sometimes hindsight is the way to see the woes of our ways.  The only way to typically get a hindsight view is by talking to somebody who has “been there, done that.

At Aquire, we start most meetings which are departmental or small groups with a moment of Positive Focus.  It allows each of us to bring to the spotlight something that is working really well, or an individual or team which deserve a shout out for something they are doing really well.

This week I am adding a Leadership Moment into the manager’s meeting.  So I added a slide to the agenda deck and went looking in the standard clip art for placeholder picture.  I was sorely disappointed.  I put in the word “leadership” as my search term.  PowerPoint provided me with a much of shiny slick power photos.  They were not about leadership they were about winning, dominating or being the one with the most expensive suit in the room.

So I looked at another word and found what I was looking for (more on that in a minute).  Then I thought I would see what popped up if I used the word “follow.“  There was not a single picture of the back of the heads of the people in power positions in the best suits.  Not that I really expected that image (but it would have been clever).  No, the term “follow” provided lots of good arrows and cartoons of people forming a line.  It was adequate.

So then I searched on the word “help.” This is where I found pictures I needed for leadership. Leadership isn’t about being the rich and beautiful in my book.  Leadership is about painting the vision that is achievable by the people you need; and convincing them you will help them achieve the vision.

Being a manager is hard, you get disappointed by people that don’t say what they mean or don’t do what they commit to do doing.  Sometimes people leave the company and leave you holding the bag.  Sometimes people are not who they pretend to be and can damage the team.

But being a manager can be highly rewarding when you get the buy-in from the team.  When you help someone get over a challenge they were really struggling with in the past.  When your team excels at what they are doing.  When you know you have made a difference for your employees, your customers or your company.  When your employees appreciate you for the hard work you do too.

Being a manager is hard enough already, let’s make sure they understand the real meaning of leadership and it will help them achieve and make life a lot easier for everybody.

The hottest cowboy boots I have ever seen are more than hot, they reminded me of who I am and where I came from.

The boots give me great joy for several reasons. First, they are outrageously comfortable, second they are HOT and every time I wear them I get tons of compliments, third the story of buying them is dear and most importantly they have awoken a stronger sense of my roots then I would have expected.

The first and second point don’t really need any expansion but the story of buying the boots is great.  As a member of the Young Presidents’ Organization I went on a retreat with my group of 8 ‘personal board members’ to one member’s Texas ranch.  As part of our bonding experience the batch of us (all living the big city life) went to buy cowboy hats at a rural outfitters.

That’s when I fell in love with the boots.

I have actually not owned cowboy boots since I moved to Texas 24 years ago.  “I was walking the ‘city’ side of my life now.”  The rest of the weekend was spent 4 wheeling, shooting pool, fishing, drinking wine and having a great time with incredible friends that know me better than almost anyone on the planet.  So my boots were like a souvenir of an incredible weekend.

Then there is the biggie connection to these fanciful leather sweeties.  They don’t just fit my feet, they fit ME.  I grew up in rural Iowa and Missouri.  Now I never had to work a farm at the level of farm kids whose family made their entire living off the farm.  However I have bottle fed calves, slept in fairground barns prior to showing cattle, shoveled snow so that the animals couldn’t walk up and over the pens and spent entire summers cultivating a garden that was nearly an acre.  But I grew up and moved (ran) away to the city as soon as I could.

I moved to the city to leave what I felt was too simple a life. * Sigh* The city life has been very good to me and I have no desire to live on a farm again.  But I am so very proud of what I call my “Midwest Pragmatism.”  I like realism and agree with Grandpa’s opinion that the ONLY way is the way that everybody gains from.  I love my high rise buildings and my high heels.

But my boots make my heart sing a bit.  They somehow remind me of the roots of who I am.  Who we really are, is deeply seated in each of us.  The ideals presented to us when we are little kids and teenagers usually influence us forever.  At times teenagers or young adults may feel we have to spread our wings or diverge from what we feel are our parents ideals, then they might come creeping back in later in life.  My boots remind me that I am proud of the honest way we do business.  Clean living yields better results.

My business twist to Occam’s Razor is the theory that when trying to solve a business problem or make a deal the simplest, most elegant answer is likely the best one.  It’s my roots that makes the fact that I run an international business with my husband completely non-shocking.  I just look at my grandparents and so many other relatives who feed the world as husband and wife teams owning and running farms. No one is shocked that a farm wife works with her husband!

What does this possibly have to do with HR?  Guess why Geoff Smart has been so successful with the TopGrading methodology of interviewing?  You go back to the person’s roots.  What traits have they had and used most of their life?  It is likely they will continue to use those lessons learned early, when they work for you too.  Have they been consistent throughout their life with what they say is important to them. Oh, and you might want to see how comfortable they seem in their ‘boots’.

Comfort is a good thing. It’s sustainable.

This is the fifth post in a series where Women of HR writers share their thoughts and reactions to a manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed.

 ********************************

Lisa sent out a request I was really excited about: “Write a post about breaking rules to get ahead.” Oh yeah, since it is for Women of HR, it would be good if the rules were ones that women should break.

I thought “Fantastic, I am a female CEO in technology and HR.  I should be able to come up with a bunch of those.”

I am stuck!  Not just a little stuck, I am stuck a lot.  I have been pondering this post for at least a month.  I have put time on my calendar to work on it.  I can’t come up with a single rule, real or imagined, that has gotten in the way of my moving ahead.

The economy? Yes, that has been a barrier a few times in my life.  Competition? Only occasionally have they gotten in my way.  They mostly just annoy me and shock me.  Slow growth? Rocket growth? Yes, these have both gotten in the way of doing some things successfully.

But I can’t find any rules.

I thought I had completely failed to be of any help on a blog post that I thought surely I could share some wisdom to help others get ahead.  I was going to quit and tell Lisa I failed her – then I realized the pearl I have to give.

Those of us that do big things don’t let rules get in our way. 

We realize there are no rules to getting ahead.  Those rules are a fallacy.  There are barriers and there are difficulties, but just like there is no pixie dust that will make you successful, there are no rules that prevent you from doing good things that will make you successful.

Knock that rules concept out of your head and you will find that progress is much easier.  Every one of you has achieved something big or had accomplishments you are proud of.  When you look back at the path to those achievements, I bet you can’t come up with a single rule you had to break.  They were not there messing with your mind.  That is how you succeeded.

Photo credit iStockphoto

I am writing this as I whiz through Germany on a high speed train watching the lovely scenery while I type. It’s a skill I learned as a kids doing data entry and it comes in handy when I want to type while enjoying the countryside view.

Why do I tell you this, other than bragging that I have fun job? It’s because I have come a long way, baby, from the hick Midwest kid I grew up as. Some will still tell you I am hick and I am OK with that.

Why do I tell you this, other than to knock off any images of my being a jet setter? It’s because I got here by constantly stretching outside my comfort zone.

Sitting in your comfort zone is like staying in your pajamas all day, you won’t get asked to dance and passed a glass of Champagne unless your spouse has a great sense of humor and romance.

If you are not getting butterflies on a regular basis about something you are challenged to do, then you are not likely growing. If you are not having to Google how to get something done, from how to dial internationally to how to locate the highest zip line launching point in the state, then your Internet access may need to be taken away because you are just not trying hard enough. If you are not forced to seek experts, mentors, and an occasional masseuse then your mountain may not be steep enough to be worth climbing.

I learned how to sell software and hire people internationally. I started and sold a business. I hired and fired people far smarter than me. The first (and sometimes second and third) time I had done these things they were not totally comfortable. None of them were easy and even repeatedly executing them didn’t make them comfortable.

And that is what gives me a buzz.

When I come up with an idea the negotiating attorney never even thought of, I fist pump during the conference call. When I figured out the European train system without speaking the languages, I smiled really big and I can still remember those early trips and sense of accomplishments.

What are you scared of? Maybe you should go right now and tackle that activity. Don’t live your life in your ‘pajamas’. That’s too comfortable and even Hugh dons a suit regularly.

International note: If you don’t have your passport (then I would bet $500.00 you are an American) and you MUST go right now to Travel.State.Gov, fill out the form and get it done. No worries – you have bigger concerns then finishing this blog if you don’t have your passport yet.  Ditch me and get on with the important stuff.  Get the passport and start planning that international trip. You have a comfort zone you really need to step out of!

As we remember the 10th anniversary of the September 11 attacks, it brings an extra poignant punch to me.  My mom died that week too. It wasn’t in New York, Pennsylvania or Washington, D.C. It was in a tiny rural Iowa hospital. I spent her last few days of fighting breast cancer, stranded in the heartland with no way to return myself and 10-month-old son to Texas where my husband was separated from his family, holding together the staff of our company and wondering what was going to happen next.  My heart was broken 3 days later again when mom left us too.

The loss of my mother was the most painful thing I have been through in my life. Yet, it gave me a gift. It gave me empathy for those going through the loss of a loved one. Unfortunately, this understanding has been tapped many times as the demographics of our company has hit the stage where many are losing parents. I understand that grief doesn’t end when the legal paperwork of the estate gets wrapped up. It doesn’t ease up at the same time or in the same way for everyone. I know that you can bury the feelings and yet they can still be there.  

I lived through the following year of 2001-2002 and all the uncertainty the world felt, with an additional anger of being robbed of the sweetest person I will ever meet. I watched the 1-year anniversary roll around with quite a bit of media fanfare and I realized that this would happen for my family forever. Everyone on my staff and my friends that knew us then, remember with me now. Yet others have the date of the loss of their loved ones slip by with few others knowing they need a pat on the back, maybe a little extra time on a deadline or a complete distraction for a few moments on a rough day.

I have no grief counseling training. I am only speaking from experience. I have watched the pain of way too many employees as they know the death of a parent is coming and the inevitable loss. I have been held tight in a hug of more than 1 employee who otherwise may have not touched a co-worker for more than a handshake. But when you are genuine in your kind words at a time when you can tell the pain is there, they grasp to the one who can show them life will go on with a new normalcy. I have found fewer words are often better and an open door is welcome. Keeping the grieving person engaged is usually needed and it usually helps.

It is still draining for me when any of my friends or employees go through the loss of a loved one. It grabs my heart and I feel further invested in them. For me, each time, I can frankly only soothe myself by saying, “at least I won’t have to lose my Mom ever again.” Sometimes that is how I get though it quickly. I can’t believe it has been 10 years since I heard my Mom’s voice but I know I love her as much today as I ever have, so I know it’s all OK.  

The 9/11 anniversary is a reminder for each of us to think about what grief is and how we help others deal with it. I can assure you I am willing to help you through it if you want to chat.

Photo credit iStockphoto

How do you grow? 

You don’t let fear get in the way of your doing what you need to do.
 
I have just worked through one of the hardest projects I have ever tackled in my life.  I learned so much and the stakes were VERY high. Yes, there were times that the tasks were daunting. Yes, there were times when it was scary, but it is what I needed to do, to succeed and to get through to the other side. There were times when I shut the door, whipped out the iPhone and played a few games of Sudoku just to pull my heart rate down. I was determined to do the very best I could and to make all the right decisions.
 
I think too often people let the fear of their own unknown capabilities stop them from doing what is needed, or it prevents them from doing quality work on a project or a task. They don’t know if they can accomplish something and they let the fear sit on that negative perspective of the challenge. Another way to look at something that you have never done before, is that now you get to learn something new. Now you get to grow.
 
It had been awhile since I had done something in business that really had a fear element in it for me. I remember my first trip to Europe was on a business trip that I did all by myself. It scared me.  All the firsts I had on that trip drove my adrenalin. I have never been afraid of travel to anywhere or into any situation since then. I gained confidence. I remember the first international and the first $100,000+ deals I negotiated. They both made me nervous but they have lead me to relish, not fear, every customer conversation, the big deals and meeting anyone with any title from any walk of life.
 
I don’t really like the expression ‘facing your fears’ because that gives your fear a shape and presence that makes it even bigger. I think we need an expression more along the lines of “climb above your fear.” This keeps the awareness that we need to respect the trepidation, while using the endorphins to lift us up higher.
 
So the lesson I have now firmly cemented into my heart is that it is OK to have a fear of something if you use that fear to heighten your awareness and improve your performance. When you come out the other side of a project that  intimidated you, you will have increased confidence and a new perspective. 

It’s called experience and it is earned.

Photo credit iStockphoto