We are unwrapping some posts from the Women of HR archives for you this holiday season. Relax, enjoy and let us know if there is a favorite of yours you'd like to see unwrapped and run again.

Our fearless leader over here at Women of HR recently sent us a link to an awesome manifesto titled, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed. The list includes provocative ideas such as taking center stage, being politically savvy, and playing to win.

I have a rule I'd like to add to the list and it's a big one:

Care Less.

In this instance, by care I mean taking responsibility for anything outside your own purview and trying to fix, make better, help, show concern, or apologize for problem or issue that you did not create.

The fact is, women already apologize far more often than men. And we apologize for different reasons, often to convey sympathy rather than responsibility. Here's a great example from dinner with my brother and sister last night. We were going to a football game and meeting the rest of our family. The waiter forgot to put in her order and then came back to discuss it as the rest of us were finishing the meal. She told him to forget it. He tried to argue with her about it, since he'd just put the order in.

My sister said, “I’m really sorry, but I had said I didn’t want that shrimp dish after all. We’re trying to get to a

football game. Since you forgot to order the dish, everyone else is finished. Please cancel it.”

He brought it out ten minutes later. She said again, to the waiter: “Thanks, but like I said, we don’t want this shrimp now. I’m sorry.” He left it on the table as he went to get the check. The shrimp dish was on the bill.

My brother said to the waiter: “Hey, man, you screwed up. I guess you’re eating shrimp for dinner. But we’re not paying for it. And we don’t want to drag this doggy bag full of shrimp all over town tonight.”

Notice the difference?

My brother is not known to be especially assertive, but my sister is known to be particularly so, for a woman. And she still apologized twice for a mistake she didn't make. My sister was trying to convey sympathy, but the waiter apparently heard responsibility – why would she apologize if she hadn't somehow helped create the problem?

Care less. Apologize less. Or at least count the number of times you say, “I'm sorry,” compared to your male peers. Let people take responsibilities for their own mistakes. It won't kill them. And continuing to care too much about the people around you might kill you. Or worse, send you driving home with a dish of shrimp scampi that has been sitting in your car for 3 hours on a hot Houston night.

About the author: Franny Oxford, SPHR is an HR leader for Texas entrepreneurs and privately held companies. Franny is committed to helping all members of the HR profession become better risk takers and stronger questioners of the status quo. You can connect with her on Twitter as @Frannyo.

Photo credit iStockphoto

Women of  HR were asked, “If you were CEO for a day, what would (or did) you focus on to improve an organization's productivity, employee engagement or ability to recruit?”  This is the fourth post in the series of responses.

Do you remember when you were a kid and played a game with friends, asking each other:  what would you change if you suddenly, magically became the President? As I recall, our responses ran along the lines of: outlaw homework. Buy every homeless person a house. Give every kid a bike or a pony, whichever they prefer. Pass a law that dessert comes first. Ship all our extra food to poor people in Africa.

I fondly remember those sweet, innocent answers as I accept the challenge to write about being CEO for a day.

I work for a mid-sized nonprofit, and I’m fortunate because not only do I have a seat at that coveted table, but our Board chooses to make their HR Director the Acting Executive Director whenever the boss travels. This summer, when our Executive Director traveled to Asia, I had the opportunity to be CEO for a day, thirty times over.

My boss’s vacation fell during a very busy time, and to say the experience was interesting is like saying the Pacific Ocean is wide. I suppose we all fantasize about being the boss for a day. Oh, the sweeping reforms we would enact and the legacy we would leave! Zappos and Google would seethe with jealousy witnessing the amazing workplaces we’d create!

Yeah, right. Although I had a distinct vision for the direction in which I wanted to lead, the reality felt very different for several reasons.

1. Practicalities. As one small example, our accounting department was working on getting signatory authority for me, but didn’t complete the process before my boss left. And so, although I had written authority to sign contracts, I could only sign for one of our many bank accounts. If you’re only CEO for one day, the reality is you’re probably not signing much of consequence.
2. Resistance. I heard several times, “We can’t decide this because he’s not here.” I would push back, saying, “Oh, yes, we can,” and then I would hear it again. And again.
3. Resources. While I was CEO for a day, thirty times over, I was still Director of HR. Not during a boring, uneventful time, but during a period of marked expansion, which meant both roles were extremely busy.  Exactly how I kept my sanity during this month is still not clear to me.
4. Reversal.  As much as I knew that while I had authority to make decisions today, I was quite aware that my boss had as much or more authority to overturn them tomorrow. I backed away from one decision I was itching to make because the consequences of my boss reversing it would have been devastating to a key employee’s onboarding experience.

Also during my tenure, we got hit by the derecho which significantly impacted operations. A co-worke

r and I spent all weekend with our workers and customers, rallying the troops and ensuring people had what they needed; we continued to respond to the emergency late into the next week.  And two of our executive team members each vacationed for a week or more, making it more challenging to move on key initiatives. Before I knew it, my thirty days were gone. I’d hired a record number of new employees during an insanely busy time, responded to a lot of operational issues including the storm, and helped move our expansion along, but I can’t say I accomplished near what I dreamed.

On the other hand, if I had, would the changes have lasted? Who’s to say?

Reflecting on all this, I turned to my teenaged son and I asked what he would do if he was the boss for a day. He thought about one of his three jobs and replied:

• Hold regular staff meetings to improve communication and teamwork.
• Hire an industrial psychologist to improve and streamline disorganized processes.
• Assign work in a more logical, fair and transparent manner.

Wow, at his age, I probably would have answered, “Put more Diet Coke and less Dr. Pepper in the vending machine.” Knowing next to nothing about his workplace, I can’t comment on the value of his responses, but considering he just graduated from high school, his answers  surprised and impressed me.

Listening to him, I realized that it probably doesn’t matter what the HR pros would do if they were CEO for a day. Sure, we could come up with a list of dream workplace ideas, but so what? Maybe the person we really need to ask is my son. He’s young and he’s inexperienced, but he’s obviously figured out that some things could be better and he has some definite ideas for making that happen. What would happen if his boss asked him–and all his co-workers–the same question and really listened?

And so, my challenge to you tomorrow is to ask your staff what  they would do if they were in charge for a day. Ask them:  How would you change our team/department/branch/organization? What ridiculous rules, policies and procedures would you discard so that you can focus on doing great work? What would you add that's missing?

Ask theses questions, listen, take note and act; and although you still may not be a CEO for a day, maybe you’ll have just much influence, and effect just as much change, by putting your employees in the boss’s seat.

Photo credit: iStockphoto

About the author: Krista Francis, SPHR, is nonprofit HR Director and sometimes Acting Executive Director. She lives outside of Washington DC with her soccer-crazy hubby, two active teenagers, a neurotic cat and the best dog in the world, Rocky, aka Party like a Rockstar. In her loads of free time, she tries to keep her scooter running, tests margaritas for quality control purposes and blogs at aliveHR. You can connect with her on Twitter as @kristafrancis.

Why does work feel so stressful all the time?

I feel like every single time I have lunch with a co-worker or friend from work (or friends at other companies), there’s always this exasperated *sigh* when we sit down.

Then there’s this awkward laugh before asking, “So, how’s work?” Then there’s a good 10-20 minutes of talking about all the craziness of work.

“I’m over worked.” “They’ve given me more responsibility. I’m drowning.”

The list goes on and personally, I always find myself trying to figure out how to keep myself organized between employee relations issues, performance management, driver safety, disability, employee separations, culture & inclusion strategy and implementation. Of course there’s always the “and other job duties as assigned.” There was a point when I would keep myself up at night trying to figure out how I’d get everything done. In fact, it’s Tuesday night and I still haven’t finished my Monday to-do list.

I swear I’ve spent the last four, almost five, years trying to figure out how to keep myself organized. It’s a crazy, moving world we live in where things are constantly changing and it’s hard to keep and stay on top of things. I found the perfect notebook where I keep my to-do lists. It has a calendar on the bottom of each page AND there’s even a fancy spot for “hot items.”

No matter the job we work in – HR or not, we all have to stay organized. And dorkily (yes, I know that is not a word) enough I am really curious what you all do to stay organized.

Photo credit iStockPhoto

Remember the song, “Changes” by David Bowie?  Great lyrics — give it a listen the next time you’re browsing YouTube.

I still don’t know what I was waiting for
And my time was running wild
A million dead-end streets
Every time I thought I’d got it made
It seemed the taste was not so sweet

In July 2010 when I wrote a post for Women of HR on character building, I reflected on the changes going on in my life and how I wasn’t appreciating the value coming from them.  We see change everywhere. We have experts on change management and we tell leaders and employees to embrace change.

It’s BS.  Yes, it really is.

Not that change doesn’t build character – it certainly does!  But it’s easy to be passionate about the value of change when it’s our idea, our choice.  When it’s not, we’re forced to accept change (“turn and face the strain”) because it’s placed upon us by others or by events that occur in our lives.  I heard someone once say,

“The level of peoples’ happiness is based only on the extent that they feel in control of their lives.”

Do you agree with that?  When things are going great in our lives — whether professional or personal, we’re happy, right?  When things aren’t going well, we can get bummed out or grumpy at the world around us.

Back when I wrote that post, I moved away from my boyfriend and the beach to accept a new gig.  The job market was unchanged from today and there were no professional jobs at the beach, let alone a corporate HR gig!  I was gainfully employed but not so thrilled that I had to accept a part time relationship on the personal side.  Yes, I made the decision to move but it wasn’t my ideal choice. Can you see the difference?

I watch the ripples change their size
But never leave the stream
Of warm impermanence and
So the days float through my eyes
But still the days seem the same

I was recently downsized from the job and I’m relieved – truly.  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not taking this lightly and being out of work is stressful on so many levels.  But I’m back at the beach full time with my (now) fiancé and have decided to stay here and start a consulting business.

The risks, new challenges and everything else associated with entering entrepreneurship is overwhelming and will bring on more change. The difference?  I’m controlling this change.

Photo credit:  stock.xchng

One of my favorite motivational posters states,

“If you are not riding the wave of change, you will find yourself beneath it.”

In the world we live  in, change is inevitable and, as HR professionals, we are constantly dealing with it and the effects on our workforce. In my experience I find that people have the same reaction whether the change is positive or negative. More often than not conclusions are formed, rumors are spread and morale takes a hit.

The next time you find yourself communicating change in the workplace, take the following into consideration to ensure transitions go as smoothly as possible.

Communicate the information at the right time. While working at my first job in HR the company announced there would be layoffs and affected employees would be notified right away. Fast forward one month later and nobody had heard another word on the subject. While the company was sorting through everything that comes with a layoff, employees were updating and getting their resumes out and growing more frustrated by the day. Whether they had intended to or not, the company now had a disengaged workforce on their hands.

Wait until you have all pertinent information before making an announcement of that sort, or ensure you do follow up in a time frame consistent to what was conveyed. You may think you are doing the right thing by giving people notice far in advance, but you could just be adding to the anxiety.

Hold follow up meetings as an opportunity for employees to ask questions.No matter how well you communicate the change at hand there will most likely be questions. Employees may be intimidated to ask the question individually, so consider holding a meeting so that they may pose their questions in a group setting. Also, chances are if one person has the question then others do too, and this is an excellent way to keep the workforce from jumping to their own conclusions.

Check in to ensure the changes you made are on track. The news has been communicated, you’ve put any rumors to rest, so now what? Make it a point to check in 30 days, 6 months or one year down the road. Is the change you intended happening as it should? Have employees slipped back to the old way of doing things? Make sure the change is having the desired effect.

Remember, change is inevitable and it’s up to us as HR professionals and leaders to do what we can to make it go as smoothly as possible. What have you done to stay on top of the wave?

Photo credit iStockphoto

This is the seventh post in a series where Women of HR writers share their thoughts and reactions to a manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed.

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Rule #6 in The Six Rules Women Must Break in Order to Succeed – It’s Both/And (Don’t Fall Into Extreme Thinking), cautions us to avoid falling into extreme, black & white thinking.

But even beyond keeping an open mind, realizing that there are many shades of gray, and learning to deal with ambiguity, it also encourages us to “see the big picture” while maintaining a flexible outlook and approach.

I believe that this may be the most difficult of the six rules for many HR practitioners.

By the nature of our jobs, at least traditionally speaking, we have been taught to follow the rules and enforce the policies.  This by definition encourages extreme or black & white thinking.  Many HR practitioners, especially those in tune and with a passion for the changes that need to be realized in the field of HR, are learning to break away from this limiting approach to resolving issues.  Instead of just blindly enforcing the rules, they are learning to view issues in shades of gray, to think about not only the impact on the people involved, but also on business outcomes.  They are learning to become business partners within their organizations.

However, too many still either struggle with breaking away from black & white thinking, or maintain no desire to do so.  Too often we still hear phrases such as “that’s how we’ve always done it” and “that won’t work” being uttered; a tendency to write the rules for the minority instead of managing the exceptions is still too common of a practice.

I understand that there needs to be certain rules and guidelines in place; rules to ensure a safe, legal, and productive environment for our employees.  But when we spend too much time focused on those rules and who might break them, we lose sight of what our true purpose should be: providing the support to perpetuate the success of our organizations through our people.

In my own experience there have been times I have witnessed a hesitation to be flexible (or at least a difficultly in doing so) for fear of the precedent it may set.  I have even caught myself falling victim to this sort of thinking in certain situations.  Rule #6 reinforces that we need to break free from this inflexible thinking. We need to be optimistic and believe that most people, by nature, are well-intentioned and not looking to break the rules or cheat the system.

We need to free ourselves from the fear of “what might happen” and focus our energies on how we can proactively contribute.  Because if we continue to operate in an atmosphere of fear, we will never rise to the top levels of leadership that the authors are challenging us to achieve.

This is the sixth post in a series where Women of HR writers share their thoughts and reactions to a manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed.

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Do I agree with the authors of  The Six Rules Women Must Break in Order to Succeed who believe,

In order to succeed at the highest levels in business, we need to rethink the conversations we are having in our heads and tell ourselves a new story. Women must think differently?

Absolutely.

The stories we tell ourselves are powerful. When we believe certain thoughts, we always find evidence to prove our beliefs. For example, if I believe “to get ahead in my company you have to suck up and be just like the CEO,” I can find lots of examples of people who have gotten ahead that way. And then I tend to ignore all the other evidence and examples of people who are succeeding in their own way.

Part of the problem is that we want to ignore reality. Every place has politics. You see it in your place of worship, your kid’s schools and even in your Homeowner’s Association. Arguing with this reality directly violates Rule #4 – Be Politically Savvy. Women are quick to write off ‘office politics’ as an old-boys networking game and one they aren’t interested in playing. But the truth is, office politics is an area where women can excel and use their natural talents to their advantage.

Office politics is all about relationships, networks and communication. Those of us who are reality TV fans have watched how alliances often make it or break it on Survivor. The same is true in the office.

Instead of believing the thought “Office politics are manipulative,” think of some ways you can turn it around and come up with some beliefs you can support:

• Developing relationships with key people in my office is smart and efficient
• It’s helpful to let my boss know when I’ve succeeded
• Aligning myself with people who are interested in my success gives them the opportunity to help others

When you believe these stories, you’ll start finding evidence to prove them true. The mentor you want and need may suddenly appear, and now you’re poised to ask them to help you. Your powers of observation and intuition can operate on full alert at the office -  without making you feel icky.

You can be authentic and sincere and succeed at office politics. Office politics won’t go away just because you ignore them. Just change the name of the game so you can win – or at least have more fun trying!

Photo credit iStockphoto

This is the third post in a series where Women of HR writers share their thoughts and reactions to a manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed.

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The authors of the manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed, have been very eloquent about the things women need to do in order to get ahead. I do agree that these six rules, if mastered, will go a long way to putting us on the right path. I would add a few things to any thinking we do in this area.

Make the Rules Your Own

Firstly, there’s lots of rules or guides we can embrace in order to get ahead. This is not a particularly new area and there’s been a lot of thought and discussion generated over the years. What’s more important I believe is that you need to have your own thoughts on how to make this work for you, as an individual.

It’s hard, if this is not something you’re used to, to embrace all six rules at a go. So, pick just one and make that happen. The confidence you build in yourself as you make this one rule a reality that you can feel and grasp, will spur you on to more successful endeavors.

Ultimately, we need to think about these rules, and what elements of it that we are happy with and willing to embrace. We also need to consider the parts that we feel are not right for us and which we are not comfortable embracing. We need to make these rules our own and we do that by thinking about them as they apply to us and then going forward by simply making choices about them.

Stop Thinking and Start Doing

Which leads to my second point – start. We can read about these six rules and like them and agree with them. And we can go online and read another blockbuster list of stuff that works for others out there. Everything stays in the sphere of possibility if that’s all we do.

We could fool ourselves that someday, if we put this in action, we will have achieved what the authors say we ought to. But what is possible is not yet real and we delude ourselves if we settle merely for thinking about what’s possible, and being happy right there. At some point, we have to stop reading, thinking or having an opinion and just letting it rest there, whether we do so out of fear, because we’re busy or just being uncertain.

The way to drive success for any of these things is to move from the realm of possibility into the realm of reality. This happens when we start doing. Do and fail and learn and start again.

Stay True to You

I am reminded, in this manifesto, of the many beautiful aspects of womanhood, of the very elements that make us who we are. We see in the people around us, how they move from thinking to doing. They do what they have to do and what they are happy with. Some however, make changes by becoming more like the examples they see around them – the men in positions of power. But we do not need to be somebody we are not.

I believe real success comes to those who are able to see their shortcomings and their strengths and play to both of these accordingly. It requires an unparalleled level of honesty but the reward is a life that’s far more satisfying and truer to oneself.

Photo credit iStockphoto

This is the second post in a series where Women of HR writers share their thoughts and reactions to a manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed.

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As a gay man, I am often confused by the notion of striving for equal rights. It is not the equal part that is confusing. It is the striving.

On one hand, there is a need to identify with a cultural brand, e.g. gay. On the other hand, there is a quest for rights that everyone else has. With that, is also a quest for opportunities, and the subsequent success and power that others possess.

These two forces contradict each other. For example, I noticed when reading about a Mr. Gay America pageant, one of the organizers alluded that if straight females can do it, so can we.

My response, is why do you want to take your unique culture and mirror it against another? Does this create equality or does it create following? If it’s following, is this disguised abdication?

Giving the benefit of the doubt, perhaps there are no original ideas to create or original identities to own. Hence, outside of discriminating factors, such as sexual orientation, race, religion, color, or genetic indicators, we are all human with the same needs. Therefore, all notions of equality are universally the same. If this is the case, then there is no box to break out of outside of the one we create for ourselves. If this is true, then it does not matter what discriminating trait you carry. Each of us individually has to strive for equal rights and opportunities on our own terms. Each of us decides our own definition of success and power.

These were my thoughts after I read the manifesto, The 6 Rules Women Must Break In Order To Succeed.

Moreover, I felt a little confused. I can’t escape the notion that their definitions of power were built upon structures of power already in existence, and success was based on having more power. Also, it seems the very structure they claim is holding them back is the same one they want to embrace. Thus, I found instead of creating truly new rules, they are suggesting to follow rules already in place.

I don’t disagree with the six rules for someone seeking their definition of power. However, I had difficulty not applying their rules to anyone who was seeking this power regardless whether they were women or men. I agree, for example, one should not “focus on everyone else” or “expect hard work to be enough” or “fall into extreme thinking.”

However, I do think the rules are limiting. I am not one to tell someone else what success or power is. Both of these are individual choices. Hence my negative criticism of the manifesto is of the narrow band of which success is defined. I read nothing that illuminated the internal beauty of feeling free to choose your own level of success. For me, that is when true power comes into play.

Frankly though, I was hoping to discover some true insights into some different rules for women. Going into it, I was anticipating something iconoclastic like Patti Smith. Instead, I was left with Pat Benatar. Neither bad. Simply, one was the captain of their own ship and broke the rules, the other one was a captive of the ship and followed the rules.

To me, if you wish to truly create new rules, take charge of yourself, create your own definitions of success and power, and be the captain of your own ship.

Photo credit iStockphoto

This is the first post in a series where Women of HR share their thoughts and reactions to a manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed.

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Our fearless leader over here at Women of HR recently sent us a link to an awesome manifesto titled, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed. The list includes provocative ideas such as taking center stage, being politically savvy, and playing to win.

I have a rule I’d like to add to the list and it’s a big one:

Care Less.

In this instance, by care I mean taking responsibility for anything outside your own purview and trying to fix, make better, help, show concern, or apologize for problem or issue that you did not create.

The fact is, women already apologize far more often than men. And we apologize for different reasons, often to convey sympathy rather than responsibility. Here’s a great example from dinner with my brother and sister last night. We were going to a football game and meeting the rest of our family. The waiter forgot to put in her order and then came back to discuss it as the rest of us were finishing the meal. She told him to forget it. He tried to argue with her about it, since he’d just put the order in.

My sister said, “I’m really sorry, but I had said I didn’t want that shrimp dish after all. We’re trying to get to a football game. Since you forgot to order the dish, everyone else is finished. Please cancel it.”

He brought it out ten minutes later. She said again, to the waiter: “Thanks, but like I said, we don’t want this shrimp now. I’m sorry.” He left it on the table as he went to get the check. The shrimp dish was on the bill.

My brother said to the waiter: “Hey, man, you screwed up. I guess you’re eating shrimp for dinner. But we’re not paying for it. And we don’t want to drag this doggy bag full of shrimp all over town tonight.”

Notice the difference?

My brother is not known to be especially assertive, but my sister is known to be particularly so, for a woman. And she still apologized twice for a mistake she didn’t make. My sister was trying to convey sympathy, but the waiter apparently heard responsibility – why would she apologize if she hadn’t somehow helped create the problem?

Care less. Apologize less. Or at least count the number of times you say, “I’m sorry,” compared to your male peers. Let people take responsibilities for their own mistakes. It won’t kill them. And continuing to care too much about the people around you might kill you. Or worse, send you driving home with a dish of shrimp scampi that has been sitting in your car for 3 hours on a hot Houston night.

Photo credit iStockphoto