Being a stay at home mom has its perks – you don’t have to get dressed up, you can work out on your own schedule, and you don’t need to have the children’s lunch ready at 7 a.m. However, the most amazing and obvious benefit of being a stay at home mom is the opportunity to intimately know your children and to share all of the milestones of their young lives. No one can truly understand and love a child like their parent. Choosing to stay at home had its financial and career limiting consequences, but it’s a choice that I will never regret.

Being a stay at home mom however does not mean that you must put your brain or skills on hold. Especially in today’s modern world where there are countless ways for you to expand your horizons. And that’s exactly what I did. After driving many, many miles to practices, games, lessons and recitals, making sure that the homework was done and dinner was prepared, I spent countless late nights looking on the computer for ideas to sharpen my skills, and technology is what I came to love.

I am a problem solver. I love when I am given a challenge; know how to fix it, and how to fix it better. It started with setting up my own home wifi network. To most of my friends and co-workers, it’s probably no big deal, but in the stay at home mom arena – I was “big stuff”. Everyone wanted to know, “ how did I know how to do that?” Before I knew it, I was helping my neighbor, her friend, and then their elderly parents. And so began my journey, I became even more motivated to challenge myself. From school sports teams to the theatre department, the needs, as well as the expertise grew. I taught myself HTML, CSS, and how to create a Joomla site.

With each growing project a new skill such as Photoshop and Gimp emerged. I began to get noticed and was offered a position by my local principal in the Career Tech Department. The launching pad was perfect, it allowed me to further develop my skills and opened my eyes to the world of other opportunities out there. With my newly minted resume, an opportunity presented itself. The Global HR consulting firm, Exaserv, was looking for a Product Manager and the job description fit me perfectly. Some of the main requirements were organizational skills and the ability to prioritize, and all those years of being a stay at home mom had definitely helped to hone those skills. Not to mention my developed computer expertise!

It’s been over a year now since I’ve been back in the workforce and I have loved every day of employment. I am constantly learning and growing in my new role and enjoy all the “doors” that are opening for me. Staying at home to raise my children was the best decision I ever made, but taking that time to also sharpen my skills has given me the opportunity to go back to work and grow my career. It’s an experience for which I will forever be grateful.

About the author: Sophia Lidback is Product Manager at Exaserv, where her responsibilities include managing product development, writing and editing technical and functional user manuals and managing customer relations with respect to product implementation.  Sophia is a wife and mother of 4.

I was late in the game with technology.  While my friends and family were readily downloading apps and taking adorable vintage photos with Instagram, it took me years to embrace the smartphone. I also was slow to get excited by the DVR I nowadays swear by. How else can I have Elmo on hand for my 3-year-old and Modern Family ready and waiting for me when I have a free 30 minutes to spare?

I held firm to my stance that I wasn’t a tech girl and would much prefer to write down my schedule and leave email at work. . . blah, blah, blah.  That changed the day I actually succumbed and decided on a smartphone when upgrade time  rolled around. I declared my choice was solely based on the ability to take cute pictures of my daughters but secretly I wanted in on the club and I wanted to know what all the fuss was about.  I told my husband a week later that the iPhone changed my life.  He smirked and had an “I told you so” look.

I am now leaning on technology more and more because as a working mom of 2 toddlers I will take all the help I can get.  Here are a few reasons why I encourage all of my mom clients to jump on the tech train and never look back:

1. Branding:  Get involved online and build your presence this way by participating in LinkedIn, tweeting great articles and writing engaging blog posts. Nothing will shave time off of in-person networking like a great online presence.
2. Ease Workday Load:  Family dinner is important to me.  I leave at 4:45 unless I have a class to teach. Period.  The only way this is possible for me is because I can pull out my laptop and get 2 hours of work done after my girls are cozily sleeping in bed.
3. Scheduling: No need to waste time calling my husband to see if we can meet friends for dinner, volunteer with the youth group or schedule a play date on Saturday. I can simply check his calendar, compare it to mine and I have my answer. Total time saver. I have friends who take it a step further and register with an online family organizer and swear by it.  Remember the Milk and Cozi are 2 highly recommended apps.
4. Connecting/Sharing:  My family lives in California.  I live in the Midwest.  Thank God for programs like Skype, Facebook and Instagram that enable me to quickly get a dose of home updates so I can then attend to my other responsibilities.  The connect
   do you need a greenhouse for aquaponics

   ing aspect of technology is also helpful for moms who work at large corporations.  Many Fortune 500 companies have “mom boards” where employees can share tips ranging from best nursing locations in the building to offering up used baby goods.

5. Kid Friendly: Those of us who have waited for food to arrive at a restaurant with a toddler, spent 2 plus hours on a flight with an 18 month old, or taken a preschooler to the DMV for a license renewal – all while armed with a smart phone or iPad – know the value in technology. It allows us to get through a boring task without a tantrum while our child is entertained with an educational game. I’m not encouraging letting your iPad babysit your child, but I am the first to admit that it is useful in certain scenarios.

This list could go on with relevant tips and suggestions on how turning to technology can actually ease a mom’s to-do list. There is one caveat though:

Technology can be a time zapper and a great way to lose focus of your #1  priority – your kids.

Something I have found that works for me and prevents me from answering my email on my smartphone while playing Candyland with my preschooler (which makes her feel like my last priority when all she wants is my undivided attention as she nabs the Queen Frostine card) is to put my phone and computer away until the kids are in bed. I often leave my smartphone in my purse when I come home from work and don’t take it out until they are tucked away sleeping.  This helps eliminate the chance of mom getting distracted and shows my girls that family time is first.

As with anything, balance is key but honestly, a life with technology and all the help it can provide, does ease many stressful situations and can make family planning much easier.

What types of technology do you find helps with your work/life balance?

Photo credit: iStockphoto

About the author: Maggie Tomas works at the Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota as Associate Director and Career Coach in the Graduate Business Career Services office. Her background includes teaching and career counseling at the college level, namely at the University of St. Thomas, University of California Santa Barbara, and  Brooks Institute, where she served as Director of Career and Student Services.  She is a contributing writer to several blogs and publications including Opus Magnum, Women of HR and Job Dig.

For the first 30 years of my life I found it easy to describe myself.  That self could encompass any range of titles, labels, or feelings depending on my role in life, position or mood. In college I was a student-server-girlfriend-vegetarian for a year. When I started working in career coaching after grad school I was a listener-mentor-a single person-yogi novice.  All of these things were defined and controlled by me and I was comfortable balancing them all.

All of that flew out the window with motherhood.

The second the obstetrician placed my beautiful and loud (doctor’s first words were “she has lungs!”) daughter into my shaking arms, I was suddenly overcome with love and purpose.  But weeks and months later I was also unsure as to what do to with all of the parts of me that made me who I was prior to becoming mother to this amazing little girl.

Motherhood was something I yearned for and very much wanted.  I read books on parenting and felt very prepared and a bit overconfident for my new role – until I officially became a mother.  Suddenly, I was questioning myself on everything: cloth or disposable, cry it out or co-sleep, organic baby blender homemade creations or the jarred store bought variety, helicopter parent or tiger mom, and the list goes on and on.  Not only was I indecisive but I was so consumed with love for this little person that I thought in order to be the best mother possible I should give up everything that defined me pre-baby and focus on this new all important role of raising a human being.

This played out by turning me into a confused, sometimes bitter, and teetering between overt self-sacrificing/bewildered that I lost my “cool pre-baby” self.  For example, my personal priorities took a nosedive as I lamented this post-baby belly yet felt guilt-ridden at the thought of hitting the gym and leaving my newborn with a sitter.  Professionally, I tried to balance everything calmly and maintain these two separate roles effectively.  I had worked hard on my career but I also loved this little baby and didn’t want to miss all the milestones while I plugged away at my computer.  I tried to have conversations with mentors and supervisors and was basically given the advice of “this career is 60+ hours a week so find a way to make it work” or “I completely understand. I remember my wife struggling but ultimately she knew family was most important so she stayed home with the kids.”  All me

ssages implicit in their meanings and all sent me, the not-so-confident mom reeling and questioning my priorities.

In time I worked on creating a career that worked for me and all of my roles.  I said goodbye to the attitude of work first and focused on finding ways to prioritize.  Now, I encourage new moms and clients to think about being both women with a unique history and distinct passions and experiences as well as mothers in love with amazing children. Personally,  I now I try to weave both aspects into every decision I make and every encounter I face.  I no longer think that being a good mother means being only a mother.  I think about how I want my girls to know who their mom is in all of my flaws and idiosyncrasies.  I focus on teaching them the value of work ethic and the importance of loving what you do by modeling this for them.  After all my greatest achievement will be raising strong independent girls who will one day have fulfilling careers of their own – girls who have many roles, including mother, and who embrace their whole selves and will raise children who do the same.

New motherhood knocks you off your feet, not only with sleepless nights and mountains of dirty diapers and laundry but with a love and adoration that is consuming.  This all-consuming love for your child can take your breath away and ask you to question all that you thought was important pre-baby.  This is normal and often necessary in the bonding process.  It is imperative, however, to journey back to finding a new normal that does incorporate some of your pre-baby traits and passions.  For some that journey is easy and comfortable.  For others, like me, it can be riddled with confusion and guilt until one day you look at yourself and decide that you must find a way to be both.

What has worked for you?

Photo credit: iStockphoto

About the author: Maggie Tomas works at the Carlson School of Management at the University of Minnesota as Associate Director and Career Coach in the Graduate Business Career Services office. Her background includes teaching and career counseling at the college level, namely at the University of St. Thomas, University of California Santa Barbara, and  Brooks Institute, where she served as Director of Career and Student Services.  She is a contributing writer to several blogs and publications including Opus Magnum, Women of HR and Job Dig.

It begins on Friday.  “Got any plans this weekend?  What are you doing?  Are you going to the big game big concert craft sale at the VFW?  Will you be having a cookout party crawfish boil for the holiday weekend?”

And it ends, momentarily at least, on Monday.  “How was your weekend?  What did you do?  Did you go anywhere? Did you do anything?”

It’s office small talk that allows people to appear somewhat interested in the lives of their fellow cubicle dwellers.  More than likely, Glen in Purchasing could really care less that Carmen from Marketing is attending the Annual Furry Convention to be held in Pittsburgh (well, ok, that might intrigue him a bit…), but he feels the need to ask.

But I’ve noticed, throughout my working years, that this idle chatter can turn into yet another form of workplace one-upmanship. I’ve heard the sanctimonious inflection in a woman’s voice as she answered “I retiled the bathroom Saturday morning, applied weed-and-feed to the lawn, hosted a small gathering for 8 on Saturday night and then, after church on Sunday, tackled that smoked salmon w/ foie gras recipe I’ve been meaning to try.  It was a light weekend.”  And I‘ve witnessed the blank-stare and faintly disguised superiority from the questioner when someone (oh wait, that was me) answered “I did absolutely nothing.”

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Perhaps it’s a cliché because it’s true when we admonish people to “take time to smell the roses.”  Why must we feel the need to be doing-something-every-minute?  After a busy, hectic and structured work week filled with meetings, appointments, phone calls and tasks, isn’t it just enough to stop, relax and not feel the need to DO?

In our quest to appear busy and engaged a

nd active and plugged-in we seem to have collectively embraced the viewpoint that just being in one place (i.e. HOME) for a span of time longer than it takes us to sleep and bathe is now seen as some sign of societal disengagement.    Weekends spent cuddling one’s children on the couch under a comforter, reading a book for the pure enjoyment of it or even mindlessly watching VH1’s marathon of “100 One-Hit Wonders” are all perfectly acceptable ways to spend the weekend – aren’t they?

Yet, I’m convinced; we sometimes ask others how they spend their leisure time for the primary purpose of making judgments about either their lack of ambition or their lack of creativity.

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Occasionally I pull my car into the garage on a Friday evening and don’t venture out beyond our property line again until Monday morning. I eat cold pizza for breakfast and cereal for dinner.  I watch The Princess Diaries and Sex and the City reruns.  I read Happy Hollisters books and pretend I’m in 2nd grade.  I deep cleanse my pores. I take a nap in the morning and then, just for good measure, I take another one in the afternoon.

Then, come Monday morning, I go along with the small talk and ask my colleagues what they did over the weekend while I answer their queries as well.

And when I state “I did absolutely nothing” I do so with pride.

Photo credit: iStockphoto

About the author: Robin Schooling likes gadgets, coffee, wine and football and insists upon surrounding herself with people who are curious and have a desire to try new things.  After 20 plus years in HR, she is fully aware that HR is fun, frustrating, rewarding, maddening and important … and she loves most-every minute of it.  You can keep up with Robin at her blog HRSchoolhouse.com and on the Twitter at @RobinSchooling.

Defining balance can be tricky.

In my opinion finding balance between one’s work and the remainder of their life is very personal and varies from person to person.  What may be a life that is in balance for one person could be a life ready to go off the rails for another.  It all depends on our perspective on our life at work and our life outside of work.

Nonetheless, along my career and life journey I have found a few things that work for me in terms of balance that I think are worth sharing with others who may be struggling with the issue.

Seems like everyone everywhere is trying to find the right work-life balance.  I have a very challenging job and a husband and three children. I am often looked to at work as a role model of someone who has found work-life balance even with a demanding job and family.

I often find myself embarrassed by that because unlike others, I am fortunate to have an incredible support system.  My mother lives with us and does many things to help run the household.  She gets the kids off to school (makes all the lunches), does our laundry, and cooks dinner every night.  My husband, Shaun, is also a big contributor.  Additionally, he works out of the home so he is available to run daily errands.  Nonetheless, I have a very busy lifestyle and work hard to find “balance.”

There are however, a couple of key things I have learned about balance.  Again, defining balance is unique to every individual.  What balance means for me, can be entirely different than what it means to others.  Additionally, I believe that finding balance isn’t a constant state.  Sometimes, work has to take a priority and sometimes family life does.  The key is to not let one always take precedence over the other, but to ebb and flow with the situation at the time.

Based on my particular circumstances, while I do not see myself as a role model of work-life balance, I have learned the following lessons along the way that do help and are worth sharing:

You don’t have to be perfect.  There was a time that I thought I had to be the perfect leader, employee, wife and mother.  No one is, or can be perfect.  The earlier that you realize that, the better off you will be.  When you expect perfection in all things from yourself, you are setting yourself up for constant failure.

Set your own boundaries.  People will allow you to do whatever you allow yourself to do. No one is going to say, oh don’t take on that additional work, you have a family to care for.  After awhile, they will come to expect from you whatever you have willingly done in the past.  You have to set your own boundaries.  Just as people will come to expect you to do everything that you always have, they will come accustomed to, and accepting of your boundaries.

Know your priorities.  You have to decide what is important for you and what isn’t.  I take my job very seriously.  In the past, maybe too seriously.  One of the best ways I have learned to set priorities is by asking myself a simple question, ” In five years, will it matter that I did or didn’t do this?”  It is amazing how often the thing that you feel a strong obligation toward doing won’t even matter in five days.

Accept help.  There are many people willing to help you out.  Never turn down someone’s offer to help.  This relates to number 1 above.  Our drive to be perfect sometimes leads us to deny ourselves help.  If someone offers to pick up your kids from school or drive them to practice, let them.  You can always reciprocate in easier times.

Take time for yourself.  If you spend all of your time taking care of others and things you will become resentful.  Find something that you enjoy and that is just for you (exercise, reading, etc.) and make the time to fit it in.  Taking care of yourself re-energizes you.

Above all, keep in mind that life is too short and goes by far too fast.  We all need to earn a living but more importantly, we deserve to live life to the fullest.  This requires a balance between doing the things we have to do and doing the things we want to do.

About the author: Lisa Emerson is the Vice President — Global Total Compensation at McDonald’s Corporation. In this capacity, she has responsibility for all aspects of compensation and benefits globally. Lisa and her husband Shaun created Tutto Persona to share their experiences and thoughts on work, family, and other odds & ends.

This is the 11th post in our Women of HR series focusing on career. Read along, consider the advice and we invite you to comment with insights of your own.

“How can I find time to attend this networking event when I am already spread too thin between work, my 2 year old, and my graduate studies?” asked one thirty-something overwhelmed professional/student in my office a few months ago.

Great question.  And one I didn’t have the perfect, fix- it solution for. If I did, I would perhaps be better at my daily juggling act as well.

A typical morning for me often involves acquiescing to my 3-year-old’s desire for a little Yo Gabba Gabba before preschool, chasing my 18-month-old who has found diaper cream and proceeded to spread it all over her cherubic cheeks, and hopefully catching a quick glance in the mirror to ensure my ensemble is professional enough to greet the recruiters looking to hire the MBA students I work with.

As a career coach working with graduate business students, I have found that more and more students are coming to me with similar questions about balancing motherhood, professional careers and aspirations, and graduate studies.  No small feat.

I have taken to reading many expert opinions on the subject in hopes of gleaning tidbits of advice that will provide solace and practical solutions for the students I work with. There seems to be a general consensus among career experts and life coaches on this topic of work life balance. The advice given is, stop trying to balance it all because you can’t, seems contrary to what we, in corporate America, have been focusing on for the past few decades since women came into the workforce in numbers.

Think about it.  Giving up the goal of a perfect balance of equal parts time, passion, and energy in all aspects of life actually takes a huge weight off of a working student mother’s shoulders.Rather than continually beating yourself up because you couldn’t give your children the same amount of time and energy as you did your work that day, instead focus on the time you do have with your kids.

Productively managing multiple roles in life can be accomplished through making choices that match your values.  Working overtime is a necessity if your boss comes to you with a last minute deadline. When your child has a lunch concert you make a choice to put that obligation first.  If your Organizational Behavior professor piles on the number of papers due in a week, you might have to block out weekend time to study at the library.  All choices are valid and none of them makes you a bad mom, worker, or student.  Instead, it is an incredible exercise in prioritizing.

Making choices that match your priorities takes away guilt, provides confidence in your lifestyle, and helps you focus on the positive.  Give yourself the freedom to give yourself a break and stop aiming for balance.

Aim for choice and embrace the fact that we as women have one.

At least focus on that when you are lamenting the fact that you are headed home from work at 5:30pm and you still have a night of dinner making, bath time rituals, and paper writing ahead of you!

Photo credit iStockphoto

In life, there are certain stereotypes that just don’t end.  One is that a woman’s place is in the home.

And for working women like me, there is still the expectation in many homes that we are somehow primarily responsible for the cleaning, cooking, taking care of any home needs, etc.

I’ve gone through the feminist feelings that men are ultimately as responsible for household duties as women are, but it doesn’t get through to most women because we are actually raised to believe this is our contribution.  I take pride in having a clean home, one in which my family enjoys living and loving.  I like knowing that I am the caregiver who ensures the kiddos go off to school in clean clothes and eat meals that are rarely processed foods.  Sure the family helps too, but I view it as my role in the home to lead even though I also work outside the home.

Regardless if you are a working woman or man who has household responsibilities, it’s important to understand that there is a need to use organizational skills to make the tasks easier to maintain and not get overwhelmed.  There are not enough hours in the day to keep a spotless house, cook nutritious and delicious meals, spend quality time with family and give 8-12 hours a day at a job.  It’s impossible to do all these things successfully long term unless you determine tasks that can be managed in a non-traditional way.

In the last ten to fifteen years, women have been enlisting the help of personal assistants, house cleaners, dog walkers and the like in order to free up time to spend with family when they are not working.  Now, as iPads and smartphones are becoming more of a staple, there are countless apps and advances in technology to help manage chores that used to be done from home.

Embracing Technology To Manage The Home

• Appliances that can be started via smartphone are the future.  Spring 2012 will bring  Samsung adding wi-fi options into their appliances.  For example, Samsung’s latest washer/ dryer concept can be started and managed directly from your phone.  LG has a robot vacuum that can be enabled via smartphone.
• iPhone apps like Chore Hero can help distribute chores among family members so that each person knows what needs to be done.  Apps like HomeSmarts can help you manage all the things that need to take place in your household.
• Use GroceryPal app on Android to track and manage all grocery needs. iPhone and iPad have similar applications.

What methods do you use to help manage your household?  As a working woman, do you feel obligated to take on the lion’s share of the household responsibilities?

This first week of the new year we are featuring some of our top posts at Women of HR. Enjoy!

Dreading Monday mornings is a ridiculous way to spend one-seventh of your life, but that’s the weird habit millions of people have fallen into.

Sound familiar?

Weekends rock in our household. We sleep in and whoever sleeps the latest is the winner – we’re trying to convince my daughter that sleeping late is a good thing. There’s time for pancakes for breakfast and cozying up in a sleeping bag with a movie in the middle of the day. Regular rules fly out the window and everything seems to slow down.

Sunday night is when the world starts to return to normal. Laundry gets done and food shopping and cooking for the week ahead begins. This is when I check in with myself. Am I excited to return to work tomorrow? Have I spent enough time with my family so that I am ready to jump back into the challenge of my job? Thoughts of work filter slowly back into my consciousness. Does it pique my interest? Or cause vague feelings of uneasiness?

Monday morning is the true test. While I wait in the elevator lobby at the office, my stomach and brain tell me everything I need to know about whether or not I am following my true path. Of course there are occasional days of anxiety, angst, and annoyance - that’s to be expected anywhere. But if I experience Monday morning dread several weeks or months in a row, I know something isn’t right. Either I’m not doing the work I’m meant to do, or I’m not working with the people I’m meant to serve. The most important lesson I’ve learned is that it is up to me (not my employer) to do something about shifting those Monday morning feelings.

How do you know when you’ve strayed away from your true path?

Photo credit iStockPhoto

Although I once wrote a post denying the existence of the glass ceiling, it occurred to me recently that men do have one big career advantage: wives.
 
Oh, for one of those! Someone who shops, cleans, picks up the kids from school, checks their homework and has a nice dinner waiting for you when you come home from the office (even if it’s take out). Someone to cover your back at home so you can travel, attend late meetings, network after hours and generally be seen after 4 p.m..
                                                                         
Before you write me off as a sexist pig, I realize that the modern husband is a far cry from the typical diaper allergic husband of, say, the ’50s.  And the modern wife isn’t necessarily a wife at all, and may not even be female. Nonetheless, there tends to be one person in any partnership who assumes the bulk of the household chores and childcare, even if both partners work. And for lack of a better word I’m going to call that person a ‘wife.’
 
I love spending time with my kids but I enjoy working, too. And I sometimes envy my husband when I have to shut down in the middle of an interesting thought to pick up the kids while he finishes his work in relative peace and quiet before coming home to a somewhat clean house, fed children and a home-cooked meal. 
 
My husband, by the way, is very supportive and spends a lot of quality time with our kids. He is also a wonderful cook, will shop in a pinch and has been known to clean the kitchen.  But typically I’m the one who leaves work early, provides primary childcare and logs back on after they go to bed to finish up my work.
 
That’s why when my husband recently asked me what I wanted for my birthday I said I wanted a wife for a day. That’s right, for one day I wanted to go to work in the morning, work until I was finished and come home to smiling children in pajamas. I wanted dinner on the table and a ‘get out of cleaning the kitchen’ card.  

I thought about holding out for folded laundry but decided not to press my luck.
 
My husband listened to my birthday request in silence, thought about it for a moment then asked, ‘Just one day, right?’
 
So if you’re wondering how to show your appreciation for that special working mom in your life, why not consider trading places for a day. Man up and be a mom, so to speak. As an added bonus, it’s a great chance to get in touch with your inner wife. 
 
P.S. I hope he doesn’t ask me to file our multi-country tax returns for his birthday.

Photo credit iStockphoto

In O, The Oprah Magazine, Oprah Winfrey has a regular column, What I Know For Sure. I love that title.

There are only a few things that I really know for sure.

One is that I love my family and good friends unconditionally and that I am very lucky to have them love me back. What I know for sure is that my “inner circle” has my back, makes me laugh and points out the lessons. They make the journey sweet.

Another thing I know for sure is that I have to go through my life being true to my values and principles. My “integrity barometer” steadies me in the face of adversity and danger and guides my decision making.

I think those two things are all that I really know for absolute sure. Oh, the best way to make a brisket is to cook it the day before, keep it in the refrigerator overnight and serve it the following day.

What do you know for sure?

Photo credit Oprah.com