It happens to all of us in HR at some point in our lives.  We find ourselves caught in an awkward position at work and we ask ourselves, “What is the best response here?”

I am talking about situations where compassion is needed, but with extenuating circumstances.  You’ve encountered the scenario before.  An employee confides something deeply personal:

• A health issue
• A break-up
• Bankruptcy
• An unexpected pregnancy

She is coming to you not really as a friend, but as someone who she thinks can help her.  She wants:

• Advice
• A break
• Support
• Shelter

She doesn’t know or understand the awkward position this possibly puts you in.  The information she provides may or may not be true.  You know that:

• Her supervisor is at his wits end because her performance is so poor
• She was late again three times this week
• The organization doesn’t have a warm and fuzzy culture with flexibility
• There are impending layoffs and her employment is at risk

What are your responsibilities in this situation?  How involved should you be?  How do you protect company interests while being a human being?

Human resources practitioners are not registered psychologists or social workers.  We are not “Mother Theresa”.  For most of us, our employers do not want or expect us to be advocates for the downtrodden, but we are expected to be kind, helpful and looking for the win-win.  We do not have a magic wand.  Therefore suffice to say that there are no clear cut answers about the level of compassion we need to provide in these tough situations, only possible approaches.

Here are some things you can do:

1. To the extent possible, help her find professional help.  Does your benefit plan offer an EAP?  Are there help lines or government services available?  Is counseling a covered benefit?  Keep abreast of the resources available to a person in need and share them freely.  Short lists are better than single resources.  Encourage her to make the call.  That way, you don’t have to give advice or get overly involved.
2. Are there small things you can do?  Can she borrow your office for 20 minutes to get her composure or to make a private call?  Is there some small token you have that you can give to her to show her that you and the Company care?
3. Be clear about what you can and can’t keep confidential and your channel of communication within the organization.  For most employees, the role of HR is unclear, which in many cases leads to the risk that an employee won’t come and see us out of fear or mistrust, even when it is prudent that they do so.
4. Encourage her to be discrete about whom she confides in about the circumstances.  The workplace is full of people who are your frenemies.  Your Company has policies regarding fair treatment but you can’t control everything.   While it has become commonplace for stars to rise out of their personal meltdowns, it is more difficult for the rest of us to do so.   Also a privately-managed issue will likely result in less workplace disruption.
5. Be clear about the conundrum created when personal information like this is shared with someone in HR.  Ask for clarity on the reasons she came to you and what she expects your involvement to be. Be clear about what you can and can’t do for her.
6. With regards to how the personal situation impacts her job, encourage her to speak with her Supervisor and to be open to possible solutions.  Offer to open the discussion with the Supervisor if you feel there may be a risk that the Supervisor may not handle the situation in a manner appropriate to the circumstances.  If it is possible, try to create clarity about the continuing performance expectations and work through strategies to address them.  Try to keep to as much of a third-party approach as possible.
7. Get legal advice as needed.  There are a myriad of potential challenges that could present themselves if down the line she is terminated. It could be construed that you used the knowledge gained in the circumstances inappropriately with undesirable consequences.

Above all, be genuine.  The success of the outcome is in direct relation to your ability to:

• Be compassionate
• Think on your feet
• Keep your head
• See it through

Good luck!

Photo credit iStockphoto

When I contracted a new EAP vendor, I manufactured a reason to schedule several counseling appointments. Okay, so I admit it. With my crazy life,  it wasn't that hard to find an excuse. When we started our first Health Reimbursement Account, I enrolled even though my husband's plan was cheaper.

Why?

So that I could shop my own HR programs, experience them as a consumer/employee rather than an administrator, catch issues early and speak about our benefits with more credibility. Obviously some benefits, such as short-term disability, workers' comp and life insurance can't really be mystery shopped (because doing so would be fraud) so skip them and focus on sampling your employment application process. Experts like Gerry Crispin as well as family and friends' horror stories condemn the collective candidate experience as pretty dismal.

Every time I tweak my applicant tracking system, I concoct a silly name and apply for a random  job to see how the process feels to an applicant. I encourage all HR pros (and heck, CEO's) to do the same. Just as importantly, occasionally apply for  jobs with other organizations, no matter how happy you are with your employer. It doesn't really matter what you apply for: courtesy clerk, VP of Talent Management, janitor or sales associate. The point is that you experience the different phases of the application process and notice what is awesome and what is annoying as hell. Then you go back to your own organization and  try to incorporate what you liked while eliminating as many nails-on-chalkboard moments as possible.

For example, you may encounter  a site requiring dozens of screens of application data *AND* on top of that, they want you to upload a resume … a document duplicating 90% of the information so incredibly painstakingly inputted for the last 50 minutes …  aargh! And after all that effort, good luck getting any communication at all, even a standard email receipt.

As an HR pro, you don't want top talent being faced with that. Figure out another way to get what you need without inflicting unnecessary and ungainly

processes that prompt people to put their heads through the wall, or worse, abandon the process and go apply somewhere more welcoming.

It's all a balance. This is what works for me. Applicants complete a handful of basic demographic questions. They upload their resume. Then they complete a very short application that is customized by position so that only the most relevant information is requested.  After that, they are prompted to answer several questions that delve into some critical logistics and they answer two questions that speak to the core values of my organization. Additional information, such as the criminal background check required by our licensor, can be obtained later if an interview takes place.

While I continue to struggle with communicating adequately with the scores of entry level, part-time hourly applicants–many of whom might fit a different schedule or future job,  I do make an effort to communicate with candidates, especially post-interview. We're all using technology, so it is easy to send out no thank you letters or emails explaining delays in the decision process. It's sad to say, but if I didn't shop my own ATS and didn't apply for other jobs from time to time, it's possible I might be a little more complacent about how my candidates experience my organization.

HR metrics and measures abound, but sometimes there's no substitute for what we learn from a little personal experience with the programs and processes we inflict on create for others. Thoughts, HR pros?

About the author: Krista Francis, SPHR, is nonprofit HR Director and sometimes Acting Executive Director. She lives outside of Washington DC with her soccer-crazy hubby, two active teenagers, a neurotic cat and the best dog in the world, Rocky, aka Party like a Rockstar. In her loads of free time, she tries to keep her scooter running, tests margaritas for quality control purposes and blogs at aliveHR. You can connect with her on Twitter as @kristafrancis.

photo credit: antwerp

We are unwrapping some posts from the Women of HR archives for you this holiday season. Relax, enjoy and let us know if there is a favorite of yours you'd like to see unwrapped and run again.

Our fearless leader over here at Women of HR recently sent us a link to an awesome manifesto titled, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed. The list includes provocative ideas such as taking center stage, being politically savvy, and playing to win.

I have a rule I'd like to add to the list and it's a big one:

Care Less.

In this instance, by care I mean taking responsibility for anything outside your own purview and trying to fix, make better, help, show concern, or apologize for problem or issue that you did not create.

The fact is, women already apologize far more often than men. And we apologize for different reasons, often to convey sympathy rather than responsibility. Here's a great example from dinner with my brother and sister last night. We were going to a football game and meeting the rest of our family. The waiter forgot to put in her order and then came back to discuss it as the rest of us were finishing the meal. She told him to forget it. He tried to argue with her about it, since he'd just put the order in.

My sister said, “I’m really sorry, but I had said I didn’t want that shrimp dish after all. We’re trying to get to a

football game. Since you forgot to order the dish, everyone else is finished. Please cancel it.”

He brought it out ten minutes later. She said again, to the waiter: “Thanks, but like I said, we don’t want this shrimp now. I’m sorry.” He left it on the table as he went to get the check. The shrimp dish was on the bill.

My brother said to the waiter: “Hey, man, you screwed up. I guess you’re eating shrimp for dinner. But we’re not paying for it. And we don’t want to drag this doggy bag full of shrimp all over town tonight.”

Notice the difference?

My brother is not known to be especially assertive, but my sister is known to be particularly so, for a woman. And she still apologized twice for a mistake she didn't make. My sister was trying to convey sympathy, but the waiter apparently heard responsibility – why would she apologize if she hadn't somehow helped create the problem?

Care less. Apologize less. Or at least count the number of times you say, “I'm sorry,” compared to your male peers. Let people take responsibilities for their own mistakes. It won't kill them. And continuing to care too much about the people around you might kill you. Or worse, send you driving home with a dish of shrimp scampi that has been sitting in your car for 3 hours on a hot Houston night.

About the author: Franny Oxford, SPHR is an HR leader for Texas entrepreneurs and privately held companies. Franny is committed to helping all members of the HR profession become better risk takers and stronger questioners of the status quo. You can connect with her on Twitter as @Frannyo.

Photo credit iStockphoto

This first week of the new year we are featuring some of our top posts at Women of HR. Enjoy!

Dreading Monday mornings is a ridiculous way to spend one-seventh of your life, but that’s the weird habit millions of people have fallen into.

Sound familiar?

Weekends rock in our household. We sleep in and whoever sleeps the latest is the winner – we’re trying to convince my daughter that sleeping late is a good thing. There’s time for pancakes for breakfast and cozying up in a sleeping bag with a movie in the middle of the day. Regular rules fly out the window and everything seems to slow down.

Sunday night is when the world starts to return to normal. Laundry gets done and food shopping and cooking for the week ahead begins. This is when I check in with myself. Am I excited to return to work tomorrow? Have I spent enough time with my family so that I am ready to jump back into the challenge of my job? Thoughts of work filter slowly back into my consciousness. Does it pique my interest? Or cause vague feelings of uneasiness?

Monday morning is the true test. While I wait in the elevator lobby at the office, my stomach and brain tell me everything I need to know about whether or not I am following my true path. Of course there are occasional days of anxiety, angst, and annoyance - that’s to be expected anywhere. But if I experience Monday morning dread several weeks or months in a row, I know something isn’t right. Either I’m not doing the work I’m meant to do, or I’m not working with the people I’m meant to serve. The most important lesson I’ve learned is that it is up to me (not my employer) to do something about shifting those Monday morning feelings.

How do you know when you’ve strayed away from your true path?

Photo credit iStockPhoto

This is the second post in a series where Women of HR writers share their thoughts and reactions to a manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed.

********************************

As a gay man, I am often confused by the notion of striving for equal rights. It is not the equal part that is confusing. It is the striving.

On one hand, there is a need to identify with a cultural brand, e.g. gay. On the other hand, there is a quest for rights that everyone else has. With that, is also a quest for opportunities, and the subsequent success and power that others possess.

These two forces contradict each other. For example, I noticed when reading about a Mr. Gay America pageant, one of the organizers alluded that if straight females can do it, so can we.

My response, is why do you want to take your unique culture and mirror it against another? Does this create equality or does it create following? If it’s following, is this disguised abdication?

Giving the benefit of the doubt, perhaps there are no original ideas to create or original identities to own. Hence, outside of discriminating factors, such as sexual orientation, race, religion, color, or genetic indicators, we are all human with the same needs. Therefore, all notions of equality are universally the same. If this is the case, then there is no box to break out of outside of the one we create for ourselves. If this is true, then it does not matter what discriminating trait you carry. Each of us individually has to strive for equal rights and opportunities on our own terms. Each of us decides our own definition of success and power.

These were my thoughts after I read the manifesto, The 6 Rules Women Must Break In Order To Succeed.

Moreover, I felt a little confused. I can’t escape the notion that their definitions of power were built upon structures of power already in existence, and success was based on having more power. Also, it seems the very structure they claim is holding them back is the same one they want to embrace. Thus, I found instead of creating truly new rules, they are suggesting to follow rules already in place.

I don’t disagree with the six rules for someone seeking their definition of power. However, I had difficulty not applying their rules to anyone who was seeking this power regardless whether they were women or men. I agree, for example, one should not “focus on everyone else” or “expect hard work to be enough” or “fall into extreme thinking.”

However, I do think the rules are limiting. I am not one to tell someone else what success or power is. Both of these are individual choices. Hence my negative criticism of the manifesto is of the narrow band of which success is defined. I read nothing that illuminated the internal beauty of feeling free to choose your own level of success. For me, that is when true power comes into play.

Frankly though, I was hoping to discover some true insights into some different rules for women. Going into it, I was anticipating something iconoclastic like Patti Smith. Instead, I was left with Pat Benatar. Neither bad. Simply, one was the captain of their own ship and broke the rules, the other one was a captive of the ship and followed the rules.

To me, if you wish to truly create new rules, take charge of yourself, create your own definitions of success and power, and be the captain of your own ship.

Photo credit iStockphoto

This is the first post in a series where Women of HR share their thoughts and reactions to a manifesto, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed.

********************************

Our fearless leader over here at Women of HR recently sent us a link to an awesome manifesto titled, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed. The list includes provocative ideas such as taking center stage, being politically savvy, and playing to win.

I have a rule I’d like to add to the list and it’s a big one:

Care Less.

In this instance, by care I mean taking responsibility for anything outside your own purview and trying to fix, make better, help, show concern, or apologize for problem or issue that you did not create.

The fact is, women already apologize far more often than men. And we apologize for different reasons, often to convey sympathy rather than responsibility. Here’s a great example from dinner with my brother and sister last night. We were going to a football game and meeting the rest of our family. The waiter forgot to put in her order and then came back to discuss it as the rest of us were finishing the meal. She told him to forget it. He tried to argue with her about it, since he’d just put the order in.

My sister said, “I’m really sorry, but I had said I didn’t want that shrimp dish after all. We’re trying to get to a football game. Since you forgot to order the dish, everyone else is finished. Please cancel it.”

He brought it out ten minutes later. She said again, to the waiter: “Thanks, but like I said, we don’t want this shrimp now. I’m sorry.” He left it on the table as he went to get the check. The shrimp dish was on the bill.

My brother said to the waiter: “Hey, man, you screwed up. I guess you’re eating shrimp for dinner. But we’re not paying for it. And we don’t want to drag this doggy bag full of shrimp all over town tonight.”

Notice the difference?

My brother is not known to be especially assertive, but my sister is known to be particularly so, for a woman. And she still apologized twice for a mistake she didn’t make. My sister was trying to convey sympathy, but the waiter apparently heard responsibility – why would she apologize if she hadn’t somehow helped create the problem?

Care less. Apologize less. Or at least count the number of times you say, “I’m sorry,” compared to your male peers. Let people take responsibilities for their own mistakes. It won’t kill them. And continuing to care too much about the people around you might kill you. Or worse, send you driving home with a dish of shrimp scampi that has been sitting in your car for 3 hours on a hot Houston night.

Photo credit iStockphoto

I like to listen to motivational CDs on my way home from work. Joel Osteen is a personal favorite. I have spent many hours in my car listening to Pastor Joel and loving every minute.

Last week, I happened to be listening to the radio when a song from my past was being played. Alpha Blondy’s song, Sweet Sweet Fanta Diallo, brought back poignant memories of my childhood. The lyrics of the song had always puzzled me because it seemed that the end of the story was left hanging and I was always left wondering what became of the characters.

Listening to the song again, I had that same feeling of puzzlement. Only this time, the questions were different.

For those who are yet to hear the song, it’s a haunting melody about the sad demise of a romantic relationship and the price to be paid for love gone sour. As melancholy as it may sound, it is a beautiful song. 

In the song, the author describes Fanta in glowing terms and we get a picture of a vibrant young woman who exudes confidence and youthful exuberance, and just like the author, we like what we see. Regrettably this phase is short lived. As the song progresses, Fanta meets dire straits and disappears out of sight.

Hearing the song again made me think of the “Fanta’s” I have met in the course of my career.

Can you think of any Fanta figure in your work place? He would be the employee that hit the ground running but got stuck somewhere along the way. She could be the member of staff who was once vibrant but now is disillusioned and as a result performs way below her maximum potential.

What drives great employees up the wall? It could be a zillion and one things but usually it’s unfulfilled expectations and broken promises which were made implicitly or otherwise.

As the song progresses, the author discovers Fanta wasted and worn out at the “psychiatric hospital.”  He admits his culpability and belts out a repetitive soliloquy, “Now I know I did you wrong.” After the belated admission of guilt, I cannot help but wonder if the author tried to make amends. Did he attempt to work through the recovery process with her, or did he just engage his audience in a repetitive monologue to assuage his guilty conscience?

The questions that plague me from the song are very relevant in today’s work environment:

• What could the author have done to drive Fanta crazy? What do organizations do, or fail to do, that could cause their high performing employees to disengage?
• Was author willing to be part of the healing process or did Fanta’s condition mean the end of their relationship? Can a disillusioned employee be persuaded to trust the system again?
• Could Fanta be redeemed? Can a stunted career be revamped and can lost credibility be restored?

I am interested in hearing your thoughts.

There will always be friction and casualties in the employment relationship. How we deal with them determines the whether the outcome is positive or negative. Are your HR policies and practices counterproductive? Do they push otherwise top performers to the wall and send them on a downward spiral to career asylum? I hope not.

This one’s for my Dad who passed on three years ago. 

About the author: Tamkara Adun works for Schlumberger Nigeria.

Photo credit Wikipedia

I’m a Human Resources Director and I have a seat at the table.

What do you expect me to say next? That it’s awesome and you all should strive to join me? Or that it’s nothing like what you think and it’s awful? Like almost everything in life, the reality lies somewhere in between the two. I landed there because I’ve served many roles in the company as it has grown and I understand how the business works.

The most honest thing I can say about it is this: I feel a huge responsibility. Every word I say at that table represents more than just me. I have an obligation to our shareholders, employees, customers, and community. The job has made me laugh, cry, sigh, and yell in frustration. Yet, I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

It is important for me to remember one thing: first priority is the team sitting at the table. Every person serves a different role in the company, but when we’re together in that room our focus is the overall health of the company. We all have to pull the oars together – and in sync.

What this means is we have to bring our differing points of view into the room, express them, argue, and come to a consensus. Once that’s done we have to leave that room and support the decisions we’ve made, whether we completely agree with them or not. The atmosphere of the company, the overall performance, comes from the top down. When there’s dysfunction in the C-suite, there’s dysfunction throughout the ranks.

I’m thankful I can represent the female perspective. I’m glad I can represent the human resource point of view. I have a degree in business administration and I have to say it comes in handy, but not as much as the experience I’ve gained over the years. I’ve worked in a large corporate environment, retail, non-profit, and now for a small private employer. My background helps me understand the importance of paying attention to your customers and how small changes can affect the bottom line. Make no mistake – you have to pay attention to profit and loss.

If you really want a seat at the table, make sure you know the business, inside and out. Be prepared to discuss difficult topics, stretch your mind, and make decisions that you may question later. The job isn’t for everyone.

Photo credit iStock Photo

I take responsibility for everything.  I have been told by people I work for that this is a great strength.

The reality is, if you are like me, you know that a strong sense of responsibility can be the gift that keeps on giving. It never stops or shuts off. You know who you are: you are the list maker that adds items to the list that are already done just so they can be crossed off. Yes, that is the curse of us responsibility types. The reality is that a strong sense of responsibility can be overwhelming for women when you are integrating responsibilities and have full-time jobs and hobbies and interests and friends and family and . . . well, the list goes on.

So how do we leverage this “strength?” I have learned over the years to focus in on what I am really responsible for and get clear at work and at home with who else could be responsible. What? Delegate? Really? Yes. There are other owners in the world happy to take on items on the list who actually believe they are responsible too! Who knew?

Here are five things that help me:

1. I prioritize the top five things every day that are impactful and do those first before I do anything else, including checking e-mail. Read Never Check E-Mail In The Morning for time management tips.

2. I set clear expectations at work, make sure others are clear with these expectations, and have a process to check progress.

3. I chase the boss to ensure priorities are on target.

4. I leave room for boss imposed time, client imposed time, and family imposed time

5. I leave time for me

I still am responsible and, with the above steps, I have more control to leverage my strength and create room for the gift.

What do you do to turn your strength into a gift?