In February, the New York Times published a feature on why gender equality stalled, drawing attention once again to the fact that despite this being the 21^st century, men and women still aren’t equal in the workplace.

We know that in the US, women are paid 77 cents for every man’s dollar and that only 4.2 per cent of Fortune 500 CEO positions are held by women – and this situation is replicated across the globe. So what’s stopping women getting a fair deal? And why don’t we speak out about it more?

Here’s a thought. I read yesterday about pop star Katy Perry who, upon receiving her Billboard award in December 2012, announced, “I am not a feminist, but I do believe in the power of women.” Perhaps this is part of the problem. Many people today still regard the term ‘feminist’ as something derogatory. And Katy shows that women are in many ways the worst culprits for perpetuating this myth.

When did feminism mean anything other than getting a fair deal for women? It reminded me of this excerpt from journalist Caitlin Moran’s book, How to be a Woman:

When statistics come in saying that only 29 per cent of American women would describe themselves as feminist – and only 42 per cent of British women – I used to think, What do you think feminism IS, ladies? What part of ‘liberation for women’ is not for you? Is it freedom to vote? The right not to be owned by the man you marry? The campaign for equal pay? Did all that good sh*t GET ON YOUR NERVES? Or were you just DRUNK AT THE TIME OF SURVEY?

It’s as if we’ve taken a step backwards. The word ‘feminist’ that once was short-hand for liberation, doing the right thing and creating a more equal society is now more generally associated with men-hating, making excuses and whining.

Another alarming fact is the increasing ‘lack of ambition’ in our young women. Sheryl Sandberg, COO of Facebook, quotes some surprising statistics in her book, Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead. For example, in a survey of 4,000 employees at big companies, 36% of men said they want to be CEO but only 18% of women said the same. Just think of the creativity, emotional intelligence and ultimate productivity that the global economy is missing out on if this continues.

At this point, I feel it’s appropriate to take some advice from an incredibly self-aware 16 year-old called Tavi Gevinson who says in her inspiring TED talk:

One thing that can be very alienating about a misconception of feminism is that girls then think that to be feminists they have to live up to being perfectly consistent in their beliefs, never being insecure, never having doubts, having all the answers…and this is not true and actually recognizing all the contradictions I was feeling became easier once I realized that feminism was not a rulebook but a discussion, a conversation, a process.

So my final thought is that we should reclaim the word ‘feminist’ not in an aggressive way, but in a conscious way. As women, aspiring to be the CEO doesn’t mean we have to be perfect or ruthless. It’s as simple as believing we can get there and working really hard. So let’s reclaim the essence of feminism at work, start shouting a bit louder about inequality and change some of the appalling statistics about unequal pay and promotion we keep reading about.

About the author: Sue Stoneman is CEO and founding partner of learning and development agency, NKD Learning. She is a change management, employee engagement and learning and development expert. Prior to setting up NKD Learning in 2005, Stoneman spent over 20 years in a variety of PLC and private equity businesses, including British Airways, Hyundai, Barclays and Terrafirma. She has a breadth of experience as a board director, having held senior positions in Marketing and Sales, Customer Operations and HR.

There are a lot of guides and books that will provide information on how to get a promotion. The problem with these books is that they assume the journey ends after being promoted. Once somebody has been promoted they are going to be under even more pressure than before because their superiors are going to be checking that they can cope in their new surroundings.

Knowing how to get promoted is one thing, but knowing how to keep that promotion is another one all together. Here are three core tips to help you keep that promotion and flourish.

Ask for Help

When someone is thrust into a new and exciting position they’re not going to know everything about everything. At the same time, their egos are going to be peaking and they will want to show that they can do the job. Naturally, asking for help isn’t going to be something that ranks highly. The truth is that not asking for help is the worst thing that can happen.

Asking for help is expected. Those superiors know that their newly-promoted employee hasn’t done the job before. They know that they don’t know everything about what they are supposed to be doing. On the contrary, asking for help is a sign of professionalism and expertise. Peers and superiors are there to help. The worst thing in the world is pushing forward and destroying one of the company projects or upsetting a major client.

Don't Change

People are promoted based on what they have displayed in the workplace. It means that superiors want that same behaviour and same display in this new role because they believe that it’s right for the company. Changing face to beco

me more of a disciplinarian or more of a person who demands respect is not going to impress anybody.

Think of it like this, a new role has been taken up, but this new role shouldn’t have a new person in it. The person should be exactly the same and they should be making sure that they don’t change for any reason. Approach the task with the same professionalism that won the job in the first place.

Be Fair

Companies who promote their employees are looking to see if those same employees can properly adapt to their new roles. If they are now a superior to their friends then they expect them to treat them accordingly. They shouldn’t be taken advantage of and they should be making sure that everybody does their own work.

One of the major failings of managers who are promoted is that they will do their friends lots of favours. If a project is running overdue then it will be them who work late whilst their friends go home. A good manager is friendly and firm. They shouldn’t let their personal emotions get in the way of their duties. The company might not demote the manager in this sort of situation, but they will quickly become stressed out as they are shouldering the burdens of others.

Transition to a new leadership role can be daunting. What tips do you have for new or aspiring leaders?

We are unwrapping some posts from the Women of HR archives for you this holiday season. Relax, enjoy and let us know if there is a favorite of yours you'd like to see unwrapped and run again.

Our fearless leader over here at Women of HR recently sent us a link to an awesome manifesto titled, Six Rules Women Must Break In Order to Succeed. The list includes provocative ideas such as taking center stage, being politically savvy, and playing to win.

I have a rule I'd like to add to the list and it's a big one:

Care Less.

In this instance, by care I mean taking responsibility for anything outside your own purview and trying to fix, make better, help, show concern, or apologize for problem or issue that you did not create.

The fact is, women already apologize far more often than men. And we apologize for different reasons, often to convey sympathy rather than responsibility. Here's a great example from dinner with my brother and sister last night. We were going to a football game and meeting the rest of our family. The waiter forgot to put in her order and then came back to discuss it as the rest of us were finishing the meal. She told him to forget it. He tried to argue with her about it, since he'd just put the order in.

My sister said, “I’m really sorry, but I had said I didn’t want that shrimp dish after all. We’re trying to get to a

football game. Since you forgot to order the dish, everyone else is finished. Please cancel it.”

He brought it out ten minutes later. She said again, to the waiter: “Thanks, but like I said, we don’t want this shrimp now. I’m sorry.” He left it on the table as he went to get the check. The shrimp dish was on the bill.

My brother said to the waiter: “Hey, man, you screwed up. I guess you’re eating shrimp for dinner. But we’re not paying for it. And we don’t want to drag this doggy bag full of shrimp all over town tonight.”

Notice the difference?

My brother is not known to be especially assertive, but my sister is known to be particularly so, for a woman. And she still apologized twice for a mistake she didn't make. My sister was trying to convey sympathy, but the waiter apparently heard responsibility – why would she apologize if she hadn't somehow helped create the problem?

Care less. Apologize less. Or at least count the number of times you say, “I'm sorry,” compared to your male peers. Let people take responsibilities for their own mistakes. It won't kill them. And continuing to care too much about the people around you might kill you. Or worse, send you driving home with a dish of shrimp scampi that has been sitting in your car for 3 hours on a hot Houston night.

About the author: Franny Oxford, SPHR is an HR leader for Texas entrepreneurs and privately held companies. Franny is committed to helping all members of the HR profession become better risk takers and stronger questioners of the status quo. You can connect with her on Twitter as @Frannyo.

Photo credit iStockphoto

I was chatting with a colleague over coffee discussing how stressful 2012 was. We chatted about the targets we missed, the challenges we faced, and we went on and on with an amazing crystal clear memory of everything we knew we could have done better. We suddenly stopped and gazed astonishingly at each other. Just the day before, both of us were awarded by the CEO for our achievements in 2012. And here we were, less than 24 hours later, sounding like total quitters instead of behaving as winners.

When did we learn to become so harsh on ourselves and why do we do that to ourselves?

I went home thinking whether this has got to do with us women so passionately engulfed with proving ourselves and our capabilities in the workplace. In the midst of it all, have we become blind to our success stories that we fail to promote them, celebrate them and more alarmingly, reward ourselves for them?

The answer is an unfortunate, “yes” and this is a fact regardless of which part of the world we come from, our culture or our background. Women are raised to constantly watch what they say, cautioned against strong personalities, taught to remain low key, to name a few.

There is a plethora of business literature and research describing the challenges women put up with in the corporate world due to stereotypes and perceptions, male dominance, limited opportunities, lower wages compared to male colleagues and the reasons behind it all. As undoubtedly and genuinely that these challenges exist, it is not my intention here to go over these. My real aim is to initiate our thinking process by asking ourselves the following question,

“What has each one of us done to bring a change to our situation?”

Let’s face it, for a lot of us, we fear being judged so we react in manners that may further contribute to our withdrawal into our own caves rather than pushing us out into the front rows. Here are some of the behaviors we should consider reshaping, changing and even stopping those which are nothing but self-sabotage:

• You quietly and eagerly wait to be assigned to a project. You know you can do it, so you hope that your boss recognizes that. Wrong. Go after the opportunity when you see it, do not wait for it to knock on your door. This will do miracles if you are a team leader. It reaffirms you as leader of the pack.
• You dread to fail even before starting. You become risk averse and dare not to think out of the box
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  . Think again. It’s perfectly ok if you fail. Failure is all about lessons learned and can only make you stronger. Your resilience level is an indication of your leadership skills. So even when you fail use it to your advantage.

• You do not celebrate your success. You achieve a difficult target, and if you are lucky enough your boss recognizes that, otherwise, your achievements go unnoticed. Whilst it’s not realistic to ask for that pat on the back every time you lift a pen, please stop being modest and reserved when it comes to major accomplishments. Celebrate your success with your team, family, and even friends. Be self-appreciative before you ask others to appreciate you.
• You are quiet in meetings. Do you offer your opinion only when asked to?  Or do you not know when – or how – to interject in a conversation? Time for a change here, too. Don’t be afraid to speak up. Yes it can feel very intimidating at first but by practicing the use of some idioms in the right context such as “I’m thinking out loud” or “I’m playing the devil’s advocate here”, or “it might be a silly question…” will help you overcome this fear and seamlessly insert you in the discussion. You owe it to yourself and your team to let your opinion be heard.

Don’t be afraid to disagree on a business related matter as long as you do it in a professional manner. If you want to point out a wrong thing being said, do that without being offensive or defensive. Discussions can sometimes be aggressive, so avoid emotional pitfalls. And whatever you do, hold those tears please. Be assertive and remain in self-control mode.

With many of us in the process of shaping our resolutions, let’s agree on making the new year our year of small but effective changes. True, it’s a long and winding road ahead of women in the business world however by being able to adapt some of our behaviors to become enablers can only be of help to us in our journey.

About the author: Hanadi El Sayyed is a Senior Human Resources Business Partner working for Majid Al Futtaim Properties, the market leader in development and management of shopping malls in the Middle East. Based in Dubai she  specialises in strategic workforce planning and development with an emphasis on corporate sustainability and sustainable development. You can reach her on Linkedin or on Twitter as@Hana_ElSayyed.

We are unwrapping some posts from the Women of HR archives for you this holiday season. Relax, enjoy and let us know if there is a favorite of yours you'd like to see unwrapped and run again.

Several weeks ago I sat next to a very nice older couple on a plane.  I estimated their ages at as close to 80 which means they were probably born at some time in the 1930s and came of age in the 1950s.

In between watching Law and Order: SVU episodes on the airplane TV service, I was scribbling some notes on a legal pad as I reviewed some work materials I had brought along with me. This prompted the Mrs. to open up a fresh line of chit chat with me, as she, with a wide-eyed look on her face inquired,

“Do you work outside the home?”

I have to admit…I don’t think I’ve ever been asked that question in my life.  Nor, quite frankly, did it ever occur to me that anyone would think it even was a question to be phrased that way.  I’ve heard “what do you do?” or “where do you work?” but I don’t think I’ve ever been asked if I worked.  And needless to say, explaining to this lovely woman precisely what Human Resources professionals do presented somewhat of a challenge.

But the conversation got me thinking about the varying perspectives we have of women in the workforce; viewpoints that are often glimpsed through a cultural or historical lens.  It’s quite probable that a young woman coming of age in the post WWII era was content (perhaps) with her life and resigned to the fact that her role was to work ‘at home.’  A woman reaching the voting age in the 1950’s was but one generation removed from even having the right to vote.  Thanks to the feminist movement, the Mrs. was able to head to the polling place and pull a lever to show that she did, indeed, “Like Ike.”

But it’s possible she doesn’t want to acknowledge or express any gratitude to feminists; that’s somewhat common. Whether first wave (primarily focused on suffrage and reproductive issues), second wave (primarily focused on equality) or third-wave (challenging and redefining ‘feminism’), feminists have often made men and women uncomfortable even while pushing for societal change that forever changed the lives of women:

• In 1848, the first women's rights convention was held in Seneca Falls, New York. At the end of the convention, some radical resolutions were adopted – shockingly calling for equal treatment of women and men under the law and voting rights for women.
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• In 1870, for the first time, the US Census counted “females engaged in each occupation.”  At that time, women comprised 15% of the workforce.
• In 1920, the US Department of Labor formed “The Women's Bureau” which was tasked with collecting information about women in the workforce and ensuring safe working conditions.  Later that year, the 19^th Amendment to the Constitution was signed into law, granting women the right to vote.
• Between the 1930s and 1950s, a number of business and school districts enacted “marriage bars” which allowed them to fire single women when they married and also allowed them to refuse to hire married women.
• In 1961, President Kennedy established the President's Commission on the Status of Women and in 1963 the Commission issued a report documenting substantial discrimination against women in the workplace.  Specific recommendations were issued by the Commission including instituting fair hiring practices, offering paid
  maternity leave, and ensuring access to affordable child care.
• In 1968, the US Supreme Court ruled that sex-segregated help wanted ads in newspapers were illegal.

I’ve thought of this conversation quite a bit lately.  It’s entirely possible that this couple have no children or grandchildren. For surely if they do have grandchildren they've found that many (dare I say most?) young women fully intend to continue their post high-school education and work outside the home.  While there are some people who yearn for a return to a society with strictly-defined gender rules based on religious reasons, I find it hard to believe that the majority of westerners don’t appreciate how the role of women has changed.

I, for one, tip my hat and raise my glass high to salute Elizabeth Cady Stanton, Simone de Beauvoir, Betty Friedan and all the other brave women who paved the way.

Now let me get back to work.

About the author: Robin Schooling likes gadgets, coffee, wine and football and insists upon surrounding herself with people who are curious and have a desire to try new things.  After 20 plus years in HR, she is fully aware that HR is fun, frustrating, rewarding, maddening and important … and she loves most-every minute of it.  You can keep up with Robin at her blog HRSchoolhouse.com and on the Twitter at @RobinSchooling.

Photo credit iStockphoto

Power dressing can never be understated in the corporate world and we all know that. Coined in the latter part of the 1970, the term “power dressing” has been the dressing style of  those wanting to reflect a professional image, an elite status, influence and authority.

The impact of looking important on one’s career progression became a factor not to ignore by both men and women. While men have learned to master the dress game earlier and faster than women, one could argue though that sharply dressed or not, there are many obstacles women have to overcome in their struggle to rise up the food chain. My intention in this post is to draw us women’s attention to an important topic for some reason we still tend to ignore or let’s say not give it its real weight: Dressing for Success.

I was raised in a culture where knowing how to dress is crucial for success in every aspect of your life, personal and professional. You are free to disagree with this philosophy, I only base this on my personal experience how I have seen this at play.

As a Human Resource Business Partner, I realize it is not an easy journey for women to grow in the corporate realm. I also learned however that women must get their heads around some small yet effective ‘weaponry’ that could only make this journey a bit less painful.

Here are just a few tips and advices I have accumulated as Human Resources professional for each woman who reads this post to seriously consider:

1. First impressions are real. And they last forever. Trust me. Research the employer and plan what to dress ahead of time before that interview. And whatever you decide to wear, ALWAYS make sure it falls in the ‘professional’ category.
2. No jea
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   ns please! I’m a true disbeliever of ‘casual days’ especially if your organization is of conservative nature.

3. Conservative organization or not, and unless you’ve got a fab bod and work in a modeling agency, avoid mini skirts and tight skimpy dresses, low necklines and revealing clothes. I am not sure you can even wear them if you work in a modeling agency.
4. Suit up when you are not sure what to wear for that important meeting. You can never go wrong when in a suit.
5. Don’t be afraid to accessorize. Make sure it suits you and goes with your outfit though. NO noisy bracelets. They are very annoying.
6. Corporate dressing doesn’t have to be monochrome unless your company dress code states that. Otherwise research fashion trends and choose what best suits you and your corporate culture. Know your colors.
7. Check what the company dress code is and abide by it. It’s there for a reason.

Learning how to dress is an art worth mastering by both men and women. However, a word of caution here. This will never replace the fundamental role of individual performance, which remains by far the most determinant factor for career progression.

About the author: Hanadi El Sayyed is a Senior Human Resources Business Partner working for Majid Al Futtaim Properties, the market leader in development and management of shopping malls in the Middle East. Based in Dubai she  specialises in strategic workforce planning and development with an emphasis on corporate sustainability and sustainable development. You can reach her on Linkedin or on Twitter as@Hana_ElSayyed.

Photo credit: iStockphoto

Breaking through glass ceilings in the workplace is dangerous business. There is now an easier (and safer) way for women to rise and succeed professionally. In her book, The Glass Elevator: A Guide to Leadership Presence for Women on the Rise, Ora Schtull shares the 9 critical skills that will enhance your ability to engage, connect, and influence in the workplace.

Women of HR was offered the opportunity to review The Glass Elevator and through a series of questions and answers, Debbie Brown (DB) and Dorothy Douglass (DD) present their thoughtful review of this book.

Debbie and Dorothy,

What is the overall gist of Ora's message or topic? How would you summarize her book in 3 or 4 sentences?

DB: The book is a good coach to women who want to work on their engagement, connections and influence to move up the leadership ranks. Ora, writes in simple terms and stories what behaviors and skills women need to hone in on. She also provides a checklist for you at the beginning of each chapter for you to assess yourself and follows through at the end with you to be able to write down those things you want to start, stop and continue as a result of her coaching points.

DD: Professional women – read me!  Now!  Real life examples of successful executive women add value to this must-read for anyone interested in forwarding their career, at any age and any level.

Ora presented the 9 critical skills that will enhance your ability to engage, connect, and influence in the workplace. Comment on the skills presented. What do you think . . . are they really critical?

DB: I thought all the skills presented were critical for women on the rise. Communication, networking, engaging with your boss, staying healthy, all very important to name a few.

DD: These skills are critical to success, and while not new or ground-breaking information, Ora presents the skills in logical fashion, including some simple self-assessments to determine the reader’s skill level.  While I wish I’d had this book about 15 years ago, it still presents in a manner that speaks to me so I can enhance my levels of communications (engage), mentoring (connect), and happiness (influence) at work.

What one skill called out to you? Why?

DB: How to ask for what you want and need called out to me. I believe that women have a tendency to assume too much about what people know and believe about their effort and results. That assumption is not a good one, which is why it is so important to look at many more aspects as the book points out. If you don't ask, many times you will not get what you want.

DD: I kept thinking that I would get bored or not have any more “aha” moments as I read along in the book.  However, Ora presents in such a way that made me a) keep reading,

b) say yes, this makes complete sense, and c) think of all the female connections I’d like to share this information with. I kept flagging pages, and chapters that spoke to me, and finally ran out of my post-it flags. Two that jumped off the page included (from p. 132) “…if we’re going to grow our influence, we must conquer our fear of selling.”  Selling isn’t always selling a product or service, it is often selling ourselves – for that next project lead, job, or career move.  Women need to get over being the care-taker of others, and begin to take care of themselves – at least at work. This does mean getting results in the job, and communicating those results to others (who else is going to ‘toot our horn’).

In chapter 9: Be Happy, Ora speaks of being often overloaded, and I really appreciated the reminder to use four D’s of time management: Delete, Delegate (with care, not in a micromanaging way), Do, but diminish, and Delay

Ora writes on her website, “The good news is that Leadership Presence is not something you’re born with. It’s something you develop.” What do you think of that? Did the book impact your thoughts about this? If so how? If not, why not?

DB: I agree with the author – these skills are something you can work on . The book emphasized non-verbal communication which I think can impact how confident people believe you are.

DD: I felt this book was a well-written moment of preaching to the “HR-Choir.”  We work with our managers, likely not enough, to stand up, put best foot forward, develop self and team, and never stop learning.  I felt this book was a wonderful reinforcement of those messages, with great examples and good self-check tools for the lady over-achievers in the reader audience.

Did Ora challenge, inspire or enlighten you in any way? If so, how?

DB: Actually all three. It brought to light areas that I continue to work on every day and other skills to add to the list and I found it encouraging to have a woman writing from a woman's point of view, which was easy to relate to. In addition, she provided bios of successful women leaders and I found those stories and bios inspiring.

DD: This book re-energized my passion for helping to develop our professional staff (both men and women) at the bank.  I’m hopeful this book is or will be available so we can use it in the future as an opportunity to reinforce, reinvigorate, and sometimes re-engage our talented women.

Would you recommend this book to others?

DB: Yes, absolutely. I would recommend it to both genders because the book provides great perspective and coaching so any leader would be able to grasp how to help women advance.

DD: Yes.  Already making a mental list of those in my network who would value reading it!

Debbie and Dorothy, thank you for your review!

Disclosure of Material Connection: Women of HR received this book free from the publisher. We were not required to write a positive review. The opinions the reviewers have expressed are their own.

I have a passion for mentoring.  I have been helped by so many people to move from a small town student from Missouri to leading an international firm with some of the greatest employees in the world.  I have experienced mentors that have moved in and out of my life and I have mentors who have been part of my life since I was 18 and remain touch stones of reality.  These gifts from wisdom from mentors have made small and enormous differences in my life and the life of my teams.  I spend all of my volunteer efforts towards various types of mentoring.

I started hearing about a group called The Levo League and am very impressed. Launched in March 2012 and based in New York, the Levo League is a social network for young professional women. It offers resources including a job opportunities board, mentorship programs and Q&A video sessions. Here is an interesting quote from a Wired article, The League of Extraordinary Women, from Levo League cofounder and CEO, Caroline Ghosn:

“We are not exclusive to women but we offer solutions for career issues commonly faced by young women,” says Ghosn. “For instance, a man will apply for a job if he has about 50 to 60 percent of the requirements. A woman will only apply if she fulfills 90 to 100 per cent. These are behaviors that we have to unlearn.”

I thought this was interesting and realized that I have seen many women that could benefit from reaching out to mentors and learning how they got where they are.  I have seen counterproductive career moves in both genders.  Sometimes hindsight is the way to see the woes of our ways.  The only way to typically get a hindsight view is by talking to somebody who has “been there, done that.

Grappling with why you are successful with one thing yet not with another is a tough place to be. There are no easy answers.

You have to make sense of it on your own and the process of evaluation and analysis takes time and yields no definitive answers. When you see results, you may believe that these results happen as a result of certain occurrences but sometimes, these results are achieved despite these occurrences. Sometimes things happen that reinforce whatever you believe to be the case, but in fact, these things happen despite whatever you do.

I find that it is the journey more than anything else that determines the success or results achieved. The journey calls for the examined life. If you find that you are achieving success in certain areas more than others, I would hazard a guess that it because of the following :

• You want it. You’re prepared to spend the time on this area because you see the value in what you’re doing and therefore, you are not willing to leave it to chance or circumstance.

• You practice. Success comes with trial and error. It also comes with time, effort and persistence. How much time and effort varies but you will find that the fact that you have spent the time and effort on one thing, far more than with others, will generate the returns.

• You experienced joy. If you enjoy doing something, the process and the journey are all that more palatable. This feeds right back into the process and in turn, the learning cycle is one of passion, interest and joy.

• You're a natural. What activities can you happily spend much time on and not feel the time go by? These are activities that may come naturally to you and, more often than not, are fun for you. You achieve success and the increased level of success keeps your momentum going.

• You are mindful. Where your mind is, action occurs. If something is important to you, it affects the actions you take. Therefore, keep your goals keep in your present state of mind literally all  the time. Once you accept the road you need to be on, you will see things that
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  previously you had not. That affects everything. Everything.

• You embrace challenge. It is completely possible to avoid the challenges you know you need to embrace in order to improve, or to get real skill. However, once you have made the switch mentally, your world opens up (almost as if the stars align) and you find that you ‘see’ things you didn’t see before.

• You build a support system. Once you are committed to doing something, once you’ve set yourself up on a particular road, inevitably, you will line things up to support you on your journey. All these little things add up and strengthen the process.

What am I really saying?

I am asking you to clarify your thoughts.
I am asking you to make a decision and not sit on the fence, leaving the ebb and flow of your life to chance because you have the ability and the opportunity to drive your journey.
And you should do that.

About the author: Rowena Morais is the Editor of HR Matters Magazine. A lawyer by training, Rowena left practice to embrace her entrepreneurial spirit and has not looked back since. She maintains a blog at Rowena Morais Posterous.

Photo credit iStockphoto

Do you scare people?

Evidently, I do, on occasion. A male colleague once confided in me that when we first met, “you kind of scared me a little.” That stopped me short.  Me, “scary”? I did a quick mental checklist:

1. Frightening facial hair and/or markings? No.
2. Tendency to growl or make other creepy noises? Nope.
3. Verbal references to scary things like zombies, catastrophes, or impending doom? Nuh-uh.

So what gives?

Luckily for me, by the time my colleague shared this with me, we had established a good working relationship. I was able to follow up: “Scary, really? What do you mean?”  It turns out that because I approach my work with a sense of purpose and gusto, I appeared formidable to him. My enthusiasm and ability to move a project forward was, to him, a bit intimidating at first.

I can live with that.

What I can’t live with is the way that our society often equates women who are comfortable in their power with fear. Articles like Why Successful Women Terrify Us show that both men and women have trepidations about the interplay of professional women, power and the workplace.

I don’t have a problem with being powerful as long as it’s used properly. It’s not power that’s scary; abuse of power is. Every day, you have the choice to decide: how will I use my power?

Will you use your powe

r to intimidate or to attract? 

Fear-based motives produce interactions that are intimidating, which repels people. When you act with the intention to attract people – to invite them into conversation and action, you use the power of who you are to create positive, mutually beneficial work relationships.

The conversation with my colleague did allow for some reflection. Did I come on too strong in our first meetings? Most likely. Was I appropriately collaborative? Yes, but there’s always room for improvement.  But I won’t apologize for being intense, upbeat and driven to action. That’s who I am. My colleague’s feedback was a gift: pay closer attention to the impact you’re having on people, Jen.  At the same time, if I’m acting with integrity and positive intentions and that still scares someone, then that’s their problem and not mine. I won’t apologize for staying connected to my power.

How do you stay connected to your power?

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About the author: For 20+ years, Jennifer V. Miller has been helping professionals “master the people equation” to maximize their personal influence. A former HR generalist and training manager, she now advises executives on how to create positive, productive workplace environments. She is the founder and Managing Partner of SkillSource and blogs at The People Equation. You can connect with Jennifer on Twitter as @JenniferVMiller.