Bride to Be = Discouraged Employee

Recently, I was teaching a 2 day Certified Public Manager session for a group of association members. The session was called Human Resources: Productivity & Quality. 

During one of our discussions regarding compliance related issues we covered the process of an HR Audit which included, as one of many tasks, a review of posters that need to be posted at work sites. One participant mentioned a poster that drew quite a stir when it first came out, which I personally was not aware of, pictured  here. I asked her to send it to me and we later got into a discussion that this situation reminded me of during my early working years before my HR career.

At 23 years old, just after graduating from ISU with my undergrad in public relations, I obtained my first marketing director position officially after having been doing the job during my internship when two of our marketing directors moved on (all during one semester).  Of course at that age, I was all gung-ho about moving up the ladder in the mall management business. So I worked very hard for another two years and was pleasantly surprised with the prospect of promotion.  My personal life was really going well because my boyfriend of 5 years (now my husband of 21 years) had just proposed and I accepted.

Unfortunately, my joy took an unexpected turn for the worse when I went to work to share the news with the office.

Much to my surprise my boss (a female mall manager) suggested that I do not share the news with anyone else in the office and especially not her boss, the regional mall manager. Still a bit naive of the ways of work for women, I asked why. She proceeded to tell me that she thought it would hurt my chances of a promotion within the industry because Marketing Directors were expected to travel around the country moving from small to larger malls. The idea of a female Marketing Director being married and possibly planning a family would not go well. 

I basically had to hide my engagement (and put the ring in a drawer when I went to work) for 6 months. When I was offered a promotion to a mall position two levels above where I would normally have expected to be, and would have normally accepted, I turned it down because that was not the company I wished to work for any longer. 

I had no idea I was being discriminated against (at least not from the same lens I look at the situation now). The bottom line is harassment and discrimination comes in all shapes and sizes. Be aware and try not to get discouraged. Engagement is a time to celebrate!

About the Author

Donna Rogers, SPHR

Donna is Founder and CEO of Rogers HR Consulting. She has a Master’s in human resources development from UIUC, a Bachelor’s in Public Relations from ISU and two associate degrees in Information Management and Pre-Business Administration. She has maintained a senior HR certification since 2001 and earned two additional HR certifications as late as 2019. She regularly delivers numerous presentations among professionals at meetings, seminars, and conferences locally, nationally, and internationally. She is on Twitter as @RogershrConsult


TNS Employee Insights

Your story is very frustrating. Like Gillian said, it is awful that your workplace turned an exciting time in your life into discrimination. The unfortunate part is that organizations are getting away with these practices.


Thank you for sharing your story, Donna. It’s terrible that a joyous occasion could bring out unexpected discrimination in the workplace. Do you think that attitude is evolving? I’m curious to hear if other people have experienced similar reactions in the last few years.

Chris Frede

I had a similar experience 13 years ago. My boss told me that work (and my boss) was to be the prioirty in my life, not my husband. Amazing. Thank you for sharing your experience.


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