It’s a Mad World of Mixed Messages

It’s often struck me how magazine editors, television producers and the mass (and-not-so-mass) media provide all of us, but particularly women, with mixed messages. 

Leave it to Gawker to do a recent post in which they take the magazine Woman’s World to task for their paradoxical covers simultaneously touting miraculous weight-loss cures next to pictures of luscious and decadent baked goods.  

We wonder why we, as humans living in the first world, perpetuate the cycle of baking and  binging on saturated fats and ooey-gooey goodness and then search in vain for the miracle cure to shed the pounds.

But we’ve lived in this world for a long time and, as women, we’ve been handed a lot of mixed messages in the working world over the years:

• Your innate, nurturing nature will make you a good people-manager but if you really want to succeed you need to be more aggressive.
• Your aggressiveness and holding people accountable at work is a great thing but be careful that you don’t come across as a bitch.
• You don’t need to dress like a man to get ahead but your professional attire may be a tad too seductive feminine. You’re not Amanda on Melrose Place.
• You need to be assertive but not too pushy.
• Go out and promote yourself, your business and your accomplishments but think about the fact that “good” girls are polite, quiet and often humble. It’s not nice to brag.
• As a mother you have the power to choose whether to work outside the home or be a SAHM, but remember that whatever decision you make, you will be scrutinized (and judged) by others. 

So what’s the best way to deal with these mixed messages? 

You can certainly decode the message and place it in context. You may want to chalk it up to the sender’s personal beliefs and biases and merrily file it away in your brain. You can always push back and clarify for understanding (pushy? polite?)  And I would argue that you really need to do that if the giver-of-the-message is your leader or a professional mentor.

As a woman, I’ve been on the receiving end of some of these messages – from both men and women. Have you? 

Photo credit iStockphoto