The Subtle Art of Not Caring

A promotion, a pay raise or a financial achievement should be an opportunity for celebration and acknowledgment; yet it is more likely to expose judgment, jealousy or comparison from colleagues, family and friends.

Being influenced by other people’s judgments doesn’t just effect our ability to improve our income or financial success – it impacts our ability to thrive in every area of life and business.

When we care about other people’s opinions over our achievements, we give up our leadership potential.   Most people are trying to fit in with others and not rock the boat. A leader explores, creates, and innovates regardless of external viewpoints.

Are you willing to be a leader that changes opinions rather than follows them?

If so, here are three key things you must be willing to be and do:


Be Willing to Value You

Beyond knowing the dollar value of your job role in the wider market, do you truly know what you are worth?

Women have great abilities in taking up extra projects and managing multiple aspects of business.  We are also great at de-valuing our capabilities, or believing we cannot handle taking on more, when often we already are doing more.

I once worked at a technology company that was advertising for a Vice President (VP). I was a Director at the time, but took on the VP duties in the interim. I never once considered applying for the role permanently as I believed I was not qualified. After chatting with a friend, I realized I was doing the VP work with ease and that it was only my perspective holding me back.  Once I recognized this, I applied for and secured the VP role.

What if the skills you don’t even think about – the things you do without effort or that just seem to ‘happen’ for you – are the exact things you are most brilliant at? You may assume they are easy for everyone, but this is incorrect.

What do you find easy? What do you enjoy? What have you accomplished in your position and the business that you haven’t fully acknowledged? Are you willing to value your contribution and realize what you are truly capable of?


Be Willing to Out-Create.

“Out-creating” is the continual exploration, curiosity and willingness to be greater than you were yesterday, regardless of what others think, say or do.  It requires you to shift your perspective from “What will people think?” to “What else is possible we have never considered?”

Many women don’t want to step on toes once they have reached a certain position. They feel content just to be at the table and don’t wish to be seen as achieving more than their male (or female) counterparts.

If you were willing to go beyond your colleagues and yourself and be greater every day, who would benefit? Just you? Or everyone?

Out-creating is not about ego, competition or proving. It is seeking what more can be accomplished that would honor you, your customers, staff, colleagues and the business. Out-create each day by asking, “What else is possible beyond this? What have we not considered yet?”


Be Willing to Inspire

Many people do their job each day the same as yesterday because they think it works, so why change it?  They maintain the status quo and are the ones most likely to judge you for doing or creating more.

Rather than focus on them, what if you sought out to inspire those who desire more?

If you would like to strengthen client relationships, ask “who are the customer facing teams who have knowledge, information and ideas to contribute? “

Many people leave jobs because they don’t feel their contribution is acknowledged or valued. Conversely, they become encouraged and inspired to create more when others are interested in and value what they know. Every person in the business has value – are you willing to acknowledge and empower each person to create greater alongside you?

Inspire yourself and others by asking: “What have we not even considered that would invite ideas that would contribute to the business, our clients, our employees and our profit?”

Put your attention on inspiration rather than limitation, and those who are willing will step up with you.


The subtle art of not caring about other people’s judgmental perspectives is really the art of being a leader. What different experience for you, your business, clients and colleagues is possible when you are too busy exploring greater to care about what other people think?




About the Author: Laleh Hancock, founder and CEO of Belapemo, is a transformational facilitator and business coach with more than 25 years of experience building companies and individuals that win. Whether partnering with a Fortune 500 company or a stay home mom, Laleh is dedicated empowering people and organizations of all ages and stages to grow and expand. As a Certified Facilitator for Access Consciousness, Laleh facilitates specialty classes including a Right Riches for You, a specialty program of Access Consciousness. She meets people where they are and provides practical tools to empower people to create more joy, ease, and infinite possibilities in their lives. Laleh served on the Governor’s Maryland Caregivers Support Coordinating Council for four years.

About the Author

a Guest Contributor

We heart our guest contributors. Let's show them some Women of HR love!


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *